The 2022 Dooby Awards: Recognizing Michigan’s most dubious newsmakers

Detroit’s wild giant slide

Riding a dusty potato sack down the Belle Isle giant slide has been a summer rite of passage for Detroiters for decades. But when it reopened this summer after being closed for several years, videos quickly spread of kids violently flying down the slide. We remember getting our asses burnt on the slide in the blistering sun growing up, back when it was covered in yellow plastic, but we don’t remember being skyrocketed into space like these kids were. It got so bad the Michigan Department of Natural Resources took to Instagram to instruct people how to ride without getting hurt, and the slide was also temporarily shut down for “adjustments” to slow riders down. The out-of-control slide even made national news, appearing on CNN, The New York Times, and USA Today. Like a wise man once said, “you could break your back on the giant slide.” That wise man was Detroit rapper Gmac Cash, who unsurprisingly went viral for his humorous “Giant Slide” song. The track won Clip of the Year on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where Gmac Cash performed and posed with Kimmel, who donned a pair of coveted Cartier Buffs. —Randiah Camille Green

Michigan GOP’s historic fall

The Michigan Republican Party embraced far-right, Trump-worshiping conspiracy theorists – and they paid for it. In historic fashion, the Republicans lost control of the state House and Senate for the first time in nearly 40 years, and they didn’t come close to unseating the incumbent Democrats for governor, secretary of state, and attorney general in the November election. Instead of taking responsibility for the losses, Republicans blamed voters and are doubling down by trying to keep Trumpers in control of the party. —Steve Neavling

Tudor Dixon’s terrible campaign

Even though we already recognized the Michigan GOP’s contributions to this year’s dubious achievements, an extra special honor goes to gubernatorial candidate Tudor Dixon, who ran a terrible campaign focused more on a fake moral panic over alleged “radicals [who] want a drag queen in every classroom, indoctrinating our children.” (We think “Fix the damn roads” had a better ring to it!) In a year when abortion rights was a self-inflicted major issue for Republicans, Dixon and the rest of the GOP had nothing to offer except for outdated “pro life” notions that apparently end once a fetus is born. In our eyes, her campaign ended during her final debate with Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, in which Dixon railed against books in schools “that are describing to children how to have sex.” (That’s called “sex education,” and it helps prevent the need for abortions.) At one point, Whitmer asked Dixon, “Do you really think books are more dangerous than guns?”, followed by what can only be described as a pregnant silence. —Lee DeVito

Detroit Police Department

Hoo boy, where to begin with DPD’s many dubious achievements this year. In February, Detroit police shut down a traditional sugarbush ceremony led by Indigenous residents who were collecting maple syrup in Rouge Park, a repeat offense for DPD. (The department apologized.) In September, DPD suspended Officer Janelle Zielinski, a bodybuilder who also had a side hustle running an OnlyFans account that the department apparently considered unbecoming of a police officer in what critics say is a sexist double-standard. (Zielinski resigned; she appears to still be making porn.) Then, in October, the department was ordered to pay $1 million for responding to protesters against police brutality with more police brutality. And let’s not forget former DPD chief Jame Craig leaving his position for an embarrassing run for governor, which started with a campaign launch event with inadequate security and basically ended with him getting knocked off the ballot for failing to collect enough valid signatures. —Lee DeVito

Great Lakes Coffee Co.

Workers at Midtown’s popular Great Lakes Coffee Co. went on strike earlier this year, demanding better working conditions and union recognition. But rather than have a union coffee shop, the company simply closed the store. It’s now slated to be taken over by the local Red Hook chain. —Lee DeVito

Corruption in Detroit

An ongoing FBI investigation into corrupt ties between the towing industry and the city of Detroit dubbed “Operation Northern Hook” led to bribery charges against at least five current and former cops this year. Also, Detroit City Councilman Andre Spivey was sentenced to two years in prison in January for his role in the scheme. The bureau also raided the homes and offices of Councilman Scott Benson and former Councilwoman Janeé Ayers, though they have not yet been charged for any crimes. —Steve Neavling

The Duggan administration’s contract with Transdev

Detroit City Council was placed with an impossible decision — renew a contract with Transdev, the city’s subpar paratransit service, or leave the city’s disabled residents without free transportation. Many members of the disability community were against a renewed contract with Transdev, leading to council to reject it before a new operator could be secured. Mayor Mike Duggan initially said the city would have no choice but to reduce paratransit service by 70% in 2023, until the Federal Transit Administration said Detroit was violating federal law by failing to fully fund rides for disabled residents. To avoid federal oversight, Duggan then used his emergency powers to set up temporary paratransit services through four different companies while the city seeks bids for a permanent provider. He also lambasted the council, calling them “dysfunctional,” but many blind Detroiters were glad for Transdev to get the boot, and told horror stories of dealing with its chronically late drivers who frequently dropped them off at the wrong locations. (The U.S. Dept. of Justice is investigating possible civil rights violations.) The council actually listened to residents for a change, but it left Detroit in a terribly awkward position. —Randiah Camille Green

Wyland’s wailing

Robert Wyland is an artist known for his paintings of whales around the world. Hailing from the suburb of Madison Heights, Wyland painted the large mural on the side of Detroit’s Broderick Tower in 1997 as a part of his “Whaling Walls” project to raise awareness about environmental conservation efforts. Earlier this year, Bedrock purchased the advertising space on the side of Broderick Tower and covered the 25-year-old mural with a brighter, livelier temporary image of smiling faces done by native Detroiter Phil Simpson. People were upset, some even going as far as threatening Simpson, despite Michigan not even having whales in its lakes and Wyland being a non-Detroiter who, according to his Wikipedia page, now spends his time split between the Florida Keys, California, and Hawaii. The backlash became even louder once the news eventually got back to Wyland, who went on a white tears press tour expressing his disgust. — Alex Washington

Everything that caught on fire

It’s been a bad year for many staple restaurants in Detroit, with several long-standing eateries like Cass Cafe buckling under the weight of post-pandemic woes. What’s strange and unfortunate, however, is the number of restaurants that were destroyed by fires. Southwest Detroit favorite Taqueria El Rey was destroyed in January when a fire in its outdoor grill shack spread inside the restaurant. The family-owned taqueria has since been operating as a pop-up at Batch Brewing Company, with plans to come back as a food truck and eventually a new location in Lincoln Park. Traffic Jam and Snug was ravaged by an early morning fire in May, resulting in a total loss. It still stands, boarded up with scorched walls at the corner of Canfield Street and Second Avenue where it operated for over 50 years. Detroit’s oldest LGBT hangout The Woodward Bar and Grill closed after a devastating fire during Pride month, leaving patrons questioning whether the fire was a hate crime. The bar had been around since the 1950s. Corktown’s Mudgies also briefly closed after it was set ablaze by an arsonist. Then there’s the holdout house near Little Ceasars Arena that burned down in a suspected arson. It’s not a restaurant, but the crumbling house was one of the last residential properties in the area that hadn’t been bought out by the Illitch family. It had a $2.5 million price tag at the time of the fire, though it had previously been listed for as high as $5 million. —Randiah Camille Green

The miseducation of Prop. 3

The 2022 election season in Michigan was a wild one, but perhaps no topic rattled the state more than Proposal 3. Due to the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, reproductive rights in Michigan were threatened by a reverting to the state’s 1931 abortion ban. Proposal 3 called for the state constitution to be amended to give people the same reproductive rights that they gained under Roe v. Wade, which one would think would have been an easy pass, considering we’ve been living in a post-Roe country for nearly 50 years, but it wasn’t. Election season saw lies being spread from the Catholic church, highway billboards, and many candidates in Michigan’s GOP. In a race that was too close for comfort, Proposal 3 passed with 55.5% of the votes. —Alex Washington

Eastpointe mayor’s meltdown

Eastpointe Mayor Monique Owens was sued in November after refusing to let four residents criticize her during a public meeting. The first-term mayor insisted the residents had no right to criticize her, while Owens is accused of violating the residents’ First and Fourteenth Amendment rights. In December, Owens agreed in a court filing to shut up when she’s criticized during meetings. We’re told she’s abided by the order so far. —Steve Neavling

Whitmer’s wannabe kidnappers

Michigan made national news in 2020 when the FBI said it thwarted an alleged domestic terrorist plot to kidnap and kill Governor Gretchen Whitmer and ultimately start a new U.S. civil war. In December, ringleaders Adam Fox and Barry Croft were sentenced to prison for 16 years and 19.6 years, respectively, on charges that included kidnapping conspiracy and conspiracy to use weapons on mass destruction. Two other men involved in the plot, Ty Garbin and Kaleb Franks, pleaded guilty and received sentences of 30 months and four years behind bars, respectively, while five more await trial. Defense attorneys tried to paint the men as “military wannabes” who engaged in “big talk between crackpots” and were egged on and entrapped by FBI informants that had infiltrated their group, but this goes to show why it’s never a good idea to feed to trolls. —Lee DeVito

Polluters’ ‘flagrant disregard’ for Detroiters

Environmental racism remains an issue in Detroit. In December, U.S. Reps. Rashida Tlaib of Detroit and Ro Khanna of California fired off letters to two polluters who have been cited numerous times for environmental contamination in the city — automaker Stellantis for its stinky Jeep plant on Detroit’s east side, and U.S. Ecology, which has multiple sites in the city and is seeking a renewed operating permit despite nine violations in the past two years. “This flagrant disregard for the health and well-being of people living near your facility will not be tolerated and should bear heavily on the State of Michigan’s upcoming decision regarding the renewal of your operating permit,” the letter states. —Lee DeVito

Chipotle’s ‘let them eat cake’ moment

Workers at a Lansing Chipotle restaurant reportedly formed the Mexican-inspired fast-casual chain’s first union after they felt disrespected. Apparently corporate drones were in town for a visit, in which workers were trotted out for a photo opp with a cake and then not invited to share any of it. The understandably pissed off workers say they started organizing soon after. —Lee DeVito

Missed shots for ShotSpotter

Despite opposition, Detroit City Council renewed a $1.5 million contract with ShotSpotter, a controversial high-tech surveillance system, and two weeks later OK’d a $7 million expansion. Critics say the technology, which detects gunshots, could have the undesired effect of leading to increased police-involved shootings. In November, a group of Detroiters sued the city over the ShotSpotter contracts, alleging that the city failed to be transparent and involve the community in the decisions. —Lee DeVito

The man who showed a judge his entire ass

There’s a distinction between criticizing atrocities committed by Israel against the Palestinian people and straight-up antisemitism. Dearborn man Hassan Yehia Chokr, 35, is accused of the latter after he drove to Bloomfield Township’s Temple Beth El and yelled at Jewish parents dropping their children off for daycare, asking them if they supported Israel. When police officers pulled him over, he called the synagogue’s security “[n-word] bitches,” and was later charged with two counts of ethnic intimidation. During a hearing for a separate offense, Chokr flipped off and mooned Wayne County Circuit Court Judge Regina Thomas, who then revoked his bond. —Lee DeVito

Whoever shouted a racial slur during a DSO performance

The Detroit Symphony Orchestra said it banned an attendee for life for shouting a racial slur during a piano concert of music from A Charlie Brown Christmas. “Live music is a profoundly human experience that taps into our emotions and provides us all with a sacred space for listening,” the DSO said in a statement. “We apologize that this space was violated. We appreciate our audiences so much and hope to see you back at Orchestra Hall soon.”—Lee DeVito

The Crumbleys

Nearly a year after the 2021 deadly mass shooting at Oxford High School that left four students dead and seven people injured, 16-year-old Ethan Crumbley pleaded guilty to 24 murder and terrorism charges, facing life in prison. Crumbley’s parents, James and Jennifer, have also been charged with involuntary manslaughter for purchasing the murder weapon, a 9 mm SIG Sauer SP 2022 semi-automatic handgun, as an early Christmas present and apparently ignoring their son’s repeated pleas for help with his mental health. —Lee DeVito

Charles Pugh and the Grown Folks Radio Network

Mere months after disgraced former city council president and news anchor Charles Pugh was released from prison for having sex with a 14-year-old boy, it was announced that he would return back to public life as a co-host of a new radio show called The Grown Folks Radio Network, which also included Reggie Reg, Coco, Foolish, and Shanie D. Considering the nature of the crime, that seems to be an unfortunate name for a radio program, but if you ask us, it also seems to be a poor decision for the community to publicly rally around Pugh and pretend nothing has happened, and ultimately disrespectful to the survivors of his crimes. —Lee DeVito

Detroit’s still non-existent dispensaries

Detroit’s debacle over recreational weed is one of the great clusterfucks of the century. While municipalities in the suburbs and beyond have been successfully profiting from the flourishing industry since Michigan voters legalized adult-use cannabis in 2018, Detroiters have been waiting for the City Council to get its shit together. And it’s not entirely the council’s fault — they tried to do something good for once, ensuring that lifelong Detroiters affected by the racist war on drugs would get the first shot at opening dispensaries, but some who felt discriminated against halted those efforts with lawsuits. After a revised ordinance and another slew of lawsuits that were eventually thrown out, the city has finally opened applications for adult-use dispensaries. While we continue to wait for them to become a reality, we’ll just have to continue getting our stash from nearby places like Hamtramck. —Randiah Camille Green