No, this isn't a deleted scene from the 2006 dark comedy Idiocracy. This is just another day in the life of judge Jeffrey Middleton, who serves Michigan's St. Joseph County.
Middleton, who is pretty well known for his transparency and calling it like it is on the r/ZoomCourt subreddit, where people post videos of viral goofs and mishaps that occur during Zoom-based court hearings (remember cat lawyer?), was confronted with a not so hole-some situation.
During a Monday Zoom court hearing for drug paraphernalia charges a man, Nathan Saxaon, logged on with the very public screenname of Buttfucker 3000. While there is nothing inherently wrong with being an actual buttfucker, Middelton was not having any of Saxaon's buttfucking bullshit, Vice reported.
“We’ll bring this fool in,” Middleton said to the Zoom meeting, which consisted of eight people waiting for their hearing.
“Good morning sir, what’s your name?” Middleton said when Saxaon logged on.
“Me?” Saxaon said
“Yes.” Middleton said.
“Nathaniel Saxaon, sir,” he replied.
“Your name's not Buttfucker 3000, you [yahoo],” Middleton said, while Saxaon appeared confused and concerned.
“Logging in to my court with that as your screenname. What kind of idiot logs into court like that?” the judge responded.
Saxaon immediately began scanning the screen and claimed he did not type that screen name.
“Well that’s what it says,” Middleton said and decided to relegate Saxaon to the Zoom waiting room to think about his online persona.
“Please your honor, you can just call me ‘Buttfucker.’ ‘Buttfucker 3000’ is my father.”
— JTGator (@JTGator813) May 11, 2021
When Saxaon returned he took a moment to apologize to Judge Middleton and explained that his sister had set up his Zoom account and that Buttfucker 3000 was actually the iPhone name he uses to pair with his Bluetooth speaker.
“It’s an inside joke. I’m embarrassed,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
\“Well you should be,” Middleton responded before moving on to more pressing matters like Saxaon's own admission of guilt for the possession of a syringe containing methamphetamine residue during a traffic stop. Saxaon was hit with a $200 fine and was reminded by Middleton that he could have landed himself an additional contempt of court charge for his obscene screenname if not for the judge's generosity.
Thanks to Middelton, Buttfucker 3000 is back on the streets.
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