Our 'official' 2017 Grammy predictions

The music industry's biggest night of back-patting is tonight and we have some thoughts on who will go home with the big awards. Will Beyoncé get redemption after losing Album of the Year in 2015? (Probably not.) Will Adele make us sob with her golden voice? (Duhh.) Will the Chainsmokers make us want to bash our heads into the wall? (Sadly, yes.) So here is our esteemed predictions for who will take home Grammy gold tonight.

Album of the Year
25- Adele
Lemonade- Beyoncé
Purpose- Justin Bieber
Views- Drake
A Sailor's Guide to Earth- Sturgill Simpson

Who will win: Adele
Who should win: Beyoncé
Curveball: Sturgill Simpson
This is a very high chance that Bey and Adele may split the majority boat since both ladies are so beloved, giving the award to country artist Sturgill Simpson. If not, Adele will most likely get the top honor. While 25 was not as good as 21, it was still a critical and commercial success. But c'mon, this award belongs to Beyoncé and we all know that.

Record of the Year
Adele, “Hello”
Beyoncé, “Formation”
Lukas Graham, “7 years”
Rihanna feat. Drake, “Work”
Twenty One Pilots, “Stressed Out”

Who will win: Adele
Who should win: Beyoncé
Curveball: Rihanna feat. Drake
If we're going by commercial success alone, then Adele wins this category hands down. "Hello" was everywhere when it came out. But "Formation" and "Work" are such better songs. "Formation" is an anthem and deserves the award.

Song of the Year
Beyoncé, “Formation”
Adele, “Hello”
Mike Posner, “I Took a Pill in Ibiza”
Justin Bieber, “Love Yourself”
Lukas Graham, “7 Years”

Who will win: Beyoncé
Who should win: Beyoncé
Curveball: Justin Bieber
This award could very well go to Adele, but Song of the Year is a songwriting award, and the lyrics of "Formation" are nothing short of amazing. But will the Grammys award a song that is so pro-black? They didn't last year when Kendrick Lamar was up for "Alright" and gave it to Ed Sheeran instead. We shall see.

Best New Artist
Kelsea Ballerini
Chance the Rapper
Maren Morris
The Chainsmokers
Anderson .Paak

Who will win: The Chainsmokers
Who should win: Chance the Rapper
Curveball: Chance the Rapper
The Grammys are notorious for awarding commercial success over critical success, and that is why I think The Chainsmokers will go home with the award. I hope that I am wrong by every account, but these frat bros will probably beat Chance the Rapper, the most innovative and creative rapper making music in 2017. Just look at every summer music festival poster and you'll see why Chance deserves this award. Meanwhile, I will be howling to the moon that two douchebag bros won a fucking Grammy. Sigh.

Best Pop Solo Performance
Adele, “Hello”
Beyoncé, “Hold Up”
Justin Bieber, “Love Yourself”
Kelly Clarkson, “Piece by Piece” (Idol Version)
Ariana Grande, “Dangerous Woman”

Who will win: Adele
Who should win: Adele
Curveball: Kelly Clarkson
If we're going on voice alone, Adele has this one in the bag. Not even Ariana Grande and her knee-high boots can match the vocal intensity that Adele gives us. However, I wouldn't be mad if Kelly Clarkson took this one. Remember when she sang that song on American Idol and made the country and Kieth Urban weep like a baby? Yeah, it was that good.

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance
The Chainsmokers feat. Halsey, “Closer”
Lukas Graham, “7 years”
Rihanna feat. Drake, “Work”
Sia feat. Sean Paul, “Cheap Thrills”
Twenty One Pilots, “Stressed Out”

Who will win: The Chainsmokers
Who should win: Rihanna and Drake
Curveball: Twenty One Pilots
For some godforsaken reason, America loves The Chainsmokers and Twenty One Pilots. I don't get it and I refuse to jump on the bandwagon. Just give the award to Rihanna and Drake so I can feel something again. If not, I will be weeping like Keith Urban.

Best Rap Performance
Chance the Rapper feat. Lil Wayne & 2 Chainz, “No Problem”
Desiigner, “Panda”
Drake feat. the Throne, “Pop Style”
Fat Joe & Remy Ma feat. French Montana & Infared, “All the Way Up”
ScHoolboy Q feat. Kanye West, “That Part”

Who will win: Drake
Who should win: Chance the Rapper
Curveball: Desiigner
The Grammys love Drake, but if you're not going to give Best New Artist to Chance, at least give him this award. He deserves it, dammit.

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
Beyonce feat. Kendrick Lamar, “Freedom”
Drake, “Hotline Bling”
D.R.A.M. feat. Lil Yachty, “Broccoli”
Kanye West feat. Chance the Rapper, Kelly Price, Kirk Franklin & The-Dream, “Ultralight Beam”
Kanye West feat. Rihanna, “Famous”

Who will win: Drake
Who should win: Kanye
Curveball: Kanye
Like I said, the Grammys like Drake and I can totally see them rewarding him with "Hotline Bling," but "Ultralight Beam" is such a better song. Hell, I'd even love it if Kanye won for "Famous." (Mostly because Taylor Swift is garbage).

Best Rock Performance
Alabama Shakes, “Joe (Live From Austin City Limits)”
Beyoncé feat. Jack White, “Don’t Hurt Yourself”
David Bowie, “Blackstar”
Disturbed, “The Sound of Silence (Live on Conan)”
Twenty One Pilots, “Heathens”

Who will win: David Bowie
Who should win: David Bowie
Curveball: Alabama Shakes
This is such a weird category, guys. Beyoncé and Jack White, Bowie, Alabama Shakes, Disturbed, and Twenty One Pilots? As much as I'd love for Beyoncé to win a rock category award and piss off every Disturbed fan, this award belong to Bowie.

Best Alternative Music Album
Bon Iver, 22, A Million
David Bowie, Blackstar
PJ Harvey, The Hope Six Demolition Project
Iggy Pop, Post Pop Depression
Radiohead, A Moon Shaped Pool

Who will win: Radiohead
Who should win: David Bowie
Curveball: Bon Iver

Doesn't Radiohead have enough Grammys? David Bowie somehow only has one, so let's give it to him. Also, wouldn't be mad if Iggy Pop took this one, too.

Best R&B Performance
BJ the Chicago Kid, “Turnin’ Me Up”
Ro James, “Permission”
Musiq Soulchild, “I Do”
Rihanna, “Needed Me”
Solange, “Cranes in the Sky”

Who will win: Solange
Who should win: Solange
Curveball: Rihanna
This is Solange's award to lose, y'all. Also, if you haven't listened to Seat at the Table, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING? Listen now.