In least shocking news ever, Michiganders miss going to bars more than going to the gym, survey finds

Is the Earth round? Is skin the largest organ in the human body? Does the Pope wear a funny hat? Was Bruce Willis trying to die hardest by refusing to wear a mask in a Los Angeles Rite Aid? Has J.Lo made a pact with the devil in order to age in reverse?

Among these irrefutable facts posed in rhetorical question form (well, maybe aside from that last one) is one that comes as no surprise: Do Michiganders miss drinking in bars more than they miss hitting the gym since the pandemic started?

Short answer: duh.

In a recent survey of 3,000 U.S. residents 21 years old and up, the American Addiction Centers found that we do, in fact, miss cracking a cold one with the boys over getting their fitness on at the gym — and we're not alone.

The survey found that, since the start of the pandemic, 58% of Michiganders miss drinking at the bar, with only 42% are suffering from major gym FOMO.

In Delaware, those folks are apparently very thirsty, as a whopping 83% of those surveyed miss bar life, with just 17% wishing they could hit the gym. In Arizona, however, it's all about the gym, with 70% of residents surveyed admitting to missing their gym rat status.

The survey does not account for individual state mandates that relate to which businesses are open and which are closed due to the ongoing coronavirus crisis. For example, Michigan bars and restaurants were operational for indoor dining for a short period before being forced to pivot to outdoor dining, takeout, and even allowing establishments to offer cocktails-to-go. (To which we say, yes please, we'll take everything you got!)

That being said, the survey also revealed that 59% of Americans have spent more money on alcohol than exercise equipment since the start of the pandemic, and 37% of responders admitted to having spent more time drinking than working out. Considering a Peloton bike is, like, $1,500, we totally get why the idea of 228 liters of Tito's Vodka (at $32.99 per liter) is the more cost-effective purchase and, yes, clearly we are in the 58% of people that miss overpaying for watered-down drinks because it is but one perk in this long and lonely journey we call life.

Anyway, apparently, 1 in 3 gym-goers are reconsidering their memberships, with 1 in 5 drinkers admitting to knowing their neighborhood bartenders on a first-name basis. What is this, fucking Cheers? God, we even miss cheersing.

Of course, the popularity of washing our pandemic woes down, and the ease with which we can do so, has increased since the pandemic. As we said, there are cocktails to-go, a flurry of bars and breweries offering beer delivery, and, of course, working from home means it's a whole lot easier to add a splash of Jack Daniels to your morning coffee. Not to mention that, since last March, most states deemed liquor stores as essential businesses, allowing them to stay open and allowing us to, well, drink.

In September, alcohol delivery service Drizly, which is not yet available in the Detroit area (Boo! Hiss!) found that sales were up 350% when compared with the year prior. And according to Nielsen's market data, by last fall, America's alcohol sales surged to 24% during the pandemic, with sales of highly alcoholic spirits soaring to more than 27%.

While it may be five o'clock somewhere, or, you know, 10 a.m., health officials warn against excessive drinking as it can compromise one's immune system, which, during a deadly pandemic, is not great.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, visit MDHHS.org for resources or text 2-1-1 to be connected to Michigan professionals and resources.

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