If Detroit suburbs were people at a party, here’s what they would be doing

By Metro Times editorial staff on Thu, Feb 17, 2022 at 4:53 pm

A Reddit thread asked users to pretend the metro area were people at a party, what would they be like?

If we had to guess, Detroit at a party would be the cool kid who drives a Hellcat and doesn’t say much, but somehow is the center of attention.

But what about the suburbs? What would Downriver, Westland, or Birmingham be like if they were people at a party?

Well, Reddit users gave us the answers and we’ve compiled a list of them here.

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Harper Woods is hanging out with Grosse Pointe whispering in their ear to ignore Eastpointe.

—bachompchewychomp

Photo via Google Maps

Downriver: wondering why nobody wants to dance them.

—Mindless_Egg5954

Photo via City of Allen Park / Facebook

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Roseville keeps trying to get everyone to go shopping with them but it’s not happening.

—bachompchewychomp

Photo via Roseville Police Department / Facebook

2 of 20

Garden City at some point during the night/level of intoxication, they WILL perform their PomPon routine that won States, and talk about Pizza Bread.

—ZeldLurr

Photo via City of Garden City / Facebook

3 of 20

Ypsilanti brought a weapon for some reason.

—kimpossible69

Photo via Google Maps

4 of 20

Westland showed up, drank too much, and stumbled out, and nobody else ever knew they were there.

—craneac7

Photo via PeRshGo/Wikimedia Creative Commons

5 of 20

Birmingham parked on the front lawn so everyone would have to walk by his car and see how nice it is, he's in the kitchen doing shots talking about stocks to people who don't own any stocks.

—corsair130

Photo via City of Birmingham / Facebook

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Grosse Pointe brought a very expensive bottle of scotch that no one wants to drink.

—bachompchewychomp

Photo via Notorious4life/Wikimedia Creative Commons

7 of 20

Warren needs to borrow a couple bucks for the bus, but will totally pay u next time they see you.

—saradil25

Photo via City of Warren / Facebook

8 of 20

Livonia is clutching their purse when someone Black is around.

—kimpossible69

Photo via Livonia Community / Facebook

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Huntington Woods wasn't invited to the party, but they walk their dog past the house just to see what's going on. They're ready to call the cops.

—corsair130

Photo via City of Huntington Woods / Facebook

10 of 20

Pontiac is waiting for the music to stop playing on Spotify so they can leave with the host's Playstation 4.

—kimpossible69

Photo via City of Pontiac / Facebook

11 of 20

Shelby Township just showed up insinuating that an election audit must be made.

—AmberVials

Photo via Charter Township of Shelby/ Facebook

13 of 20

St. Clair Shores is there with a Hawaiian shirt and gray goatee showing pictures of his 28 foot Four Winns from 1976. He’s bald and his head is sunburned and he’s drunk but you can’t tell since he’s always drunk.
—LetHerRipHang10

Photo via City of St. Clair Shores / Facebook
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Livonia called the cops to narc.
—bagleyboi

Photo via Livonia Police Department/ Facebook
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Sterling Heights wonders when they should leave for their shift at Fords (notice the S?).
—unclefire

Photo via Sterling Heights City Hall / Facebook
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Garden City showed up in Cookie Monster pants and has a Nightmare before Christmas tattoo.
—kimpossible69

Photo via City of Garden City / Facebook
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Birmingham had another party that was cooler than this one.
—Skillsjr

Photo via City of Birmingham / Facebook
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Downriver is taking a header out the back steps after trying to sneak out with the beer.
—8midgets

Photo via City of Flat Rock / Facebook
19 of 20

Troy came to the party late, empty-handed, still in his corporate 9-5 clothes. He mixes himself a Long Island Iced Tea, does a line of your blow, then bails early to relieve his dutiful wife by putting the kids to bed.

Thirty min later, Troy's wife shows up solo, drinks all the wine, and gets caught giving the host a handie out back.
—AlphaSchnitz

Photo via Ken Lund/ Wikimedia Creative Commons
20 of 20

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If Detroit suburbs were people at a party, here’s what they would be doing

Tags:

Harper Woods is hanging out with Grosse Pointe whispering in their ear to ignore Eastpointe.

Downriver: wondering why nobody wants to dance them.

Roseville keeps trying to get everyone to go shopping with them but it’s not happening.

Garden City at some point during the night/level of intoxication, they WILL perform their PomPon routine that won States, and talk about Pizza Bread.

Ypsilanti brought a weapon for some reason.

Westland showed up, drank too much, and stumbled out, and nobody else ever knew they were there.

Birmingham parked on the front lawn so everyone would have to walk by his car and see how nice it is, he's in the kitchen doing shots talking about stocks to people who don't own any stocks.

Grosse Pointe brought a very expensive bottle of scotch that no one wants to drink.

Warren needs to borrow a couple bucks for the bus, but will totally pay u next time they see you.

Livonia is clutching their purse when someone Black is around.

Huntington Woods wasn't invited to the party, but they walk their dog past the house just to see what's going on. They're ready to call the cops.

Pontiac is waiting for the music to stop playing on Spotify so they can leave with the host's Playstation 4.

Shelby Township just showed up insinuating that an election audit must be made.

St. Clair Shores is there with a Hawaiian shirt and gray goatee showing pictures of his 28 foot Four Winns from 1976. He’s bald and his head is sunburned and he’s drunk but you can’t tell since he’s always drunk.

Livonia called the cops to narc.

Sterling Heights wonders when they should leave for their shift at Fords (notice the S?).

Garden City showed up in Cookie Monster pants and has a Nightmare before Christmas tattoo.

Birmingham had another party that was cooler than this one.

Downriver is taking a header out the back steps after trying to sneak out with the beer.

Related Slideshows

April indie movie roundup

Everything we saw at Astronomicon 8 in Ypsi [PHOTOS]

Estate sale of Noir Leather founder Keith Howarth releases more erotic artifacts [PHOTOS]

The ‘20 Commandments of Detroit,’ according to Reddit

Trending in Arts & Culture