In the two-handed poker game of relationships, openness and honesty should probably trump all. Still, laying one’s cards on the table, just like that, isn’t always easy, even when that special someone sitting opposite you seems to know exactly what you’ve been holding onto. Consider this back-and-forth between a couple I once waited on at the end of a busy Valentine’s Day dinner shift:
“So, explain this solitaire situation to me again, Jake,” a certain gal insisted of her guy as I approached to pick up the check from their table.
“It’s online solitaire, Sharon. Sometimes I can’t sleep,” Jake answered. “What’s your point?”
“Let me rephrase, Jake,” Sharon persisted. “Explain the attraction.”
Jake and I made eye contact. Thinking I saw a “bail me out, bro” look on his face, I did what I could.
“Would you two care for after-dinner drinks, perhaps?” I offered.
“We just need a few minutes,” Sharon shot down the suggestion with a terse look, not the least bit thirsty.
You’re on your own, pal, I thought to myself, walking away only far enough to stay within earshot while pretending to straighten up my section.
“Go ahead, Jake. Tell me what’s so fascinating about online solitaire.”
“What? I like it, Sharon. So what?” Jake tried to play it off.
“No, Jake, you love solitaire,” Sharon called him and then some. “You’re at it constantly. I’ve woken up more than a few times now while you’re still up playing it. I know you lock that door, and I can hear you clicking around.”
Suddenly, the real name of the game Jake was playing with himself was out there. He kept up his poker face for maybe another minute. I assumed he’d keep to his bluff.
“Just say it, Sharon.” Shockingly, Jake pretty much folded.
“No more solitaire, Jake,” Sharon laid down the new house rules. “Not when I’m around, conscious or not. Seriously. Indulge some other hobby.”
Her points made and well-played, the Mrs. got up to — I assume — gather herself for a minute in the restroom, leaving what little remained in the manly department for Mr. Man of the House to do.
“Here you go, guy,” he waved me over with his credit card from where I’d been too obviously hovering and listening-in.
“Assuming you heard all that,” he confided so matter-of-factly after the mollifying admission that left me feeling mortified for him, “I’ve got to hand it to her. She beat me at my own game.”
“Could have gone worse,” I offered what consolation I could, from one card shark to another. After all, she could have caught him actually shuffling his deck.
And while we’re on the subject of giving things up: Detroit City Distillery’s ready to release this year’s batch of its crazy good Paczki Day Vodka. Perchance you’re unfamiliar with Polish confectionary culture, Paczki (pronounced, “poonch-ki” in my circle) are delectable, filled doughnuts meant be enjoyed along with any and all last indulgences by the conclusion of Fat Tuesday, after which 40 days of Lent in all its intended fasting and abstinence commences in the Catholic tradition.
While flavored vodkas have been a thing forever now, DCD’s 80 proof, raspberry fritter offering is no product of some weird chemistry combining beaver’s anal glans and/or God-knows-what-else into something that approximates the flavor of a delicious, eggy doughnut piped with natural jam. No siree. These bottles are filled with pure, Polish potato vodka from a 500-gallon still plunked full of actual Paczki baked fresh by Hamtramck’s venerated New Palace Bakery. Boy, I’d love to go bobbing for a few of those before DCD’s Master Distiller and co-owner, J. P. Jerome, opens the spigots on next year’s bottling. According to Jerome, the first two dozen bottles or so of this stuff were just tried on family and friends for fun. Now, it’s become a seasonal imbibing sensation, and something Detroit City Distillery is taking national as of 8 a.m. Friday morning (Jan. 26), through its new partnership with online craft spirits retailer Seelbach’s. Bottles are $35, and online orders (detroitcitydistillery.com/shop) can be picked-up directly as of 4 p.m. on that date from DCD’s tasting room, located at 2462 Riopelle St. in the Eastern Market district. Direct-to-consumer shipping will also be available in select states.
To know the pleasures of seasonal paczki is to feel the need to bag at least a few when they come back in season. Fried light and slightly crispy, piped full and fruity (or custardy) on their pillowy insides, how apropos it is to have their vodka namesake now to wash them down with and send us off to sleep fatter and happier for the combined experience. And in their press release, Detroit City Distillery suggested that very pairing, along with mentioning how well Paczki Day Vodka works straight up chilled as a martini or mixed in a cocktail. And when the ex-bartender in me pondered some mixology possibilities for a Paczki-flavored spirit, here’s what I came up with:
The Dunking Donut (cocktail variation on the White Russian Theme):
1 ½ oz. Paczki Day Vodka
½ oz. Kahlua or coffee liqueur
4 oz. Milk, cream, almond milk, etc.
PBJ Martini:
1 ½ oz. Paczki Day Vodka
1 ½ oz. Skrewball Whisky
1 oz. heavy whipping cream
Shaken
Raspberry Danish (weekend brunch shot, anyone?):
1 oz. Paczki Day Vodka
½ oz. Frangelico or Hazelnut schnapps
½ oz. Almendrado (almond-tequila liqueur)
Lastly, the restaurant reunion tour continues: I just paid my first visits to Dearborn Heights’ Mexican Fiesta (24310 Ford Rd.) since returning to Michigan in 2022. The place opened the year I was born (1962). Until recently, I hadn’t been there since the early ’80s, when a friend — even more stoned than I was — dumped salsa all down my Members Only jacket. The other night, I ordered a large Botana ($14.05). It took two days to finish. Now, I’ll never fit into those parachute pants I was planning to squeeze on for the next Fordson reunion.
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