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Quick, you only have a few more weeks to polish your jokes in preparation for impressing babes at your chosen party of the millennium.
One way is to drink insanely and fly through the evening on autopilot, hoping you’ll pop out a witticism or two before crashing into the champagne fountain.
The other way is to bone up with Conan O’Brien’s notoriously witty crew, and memorize a few of their ongoing predictions for how life, as we know it, will transpire in that year oh, so far away.
Utter a few quotes – say, "In the Year 2000, Starbucks makes franchise history by opening a Starbucks inside an existing Starbucks" or "Self-adhesive stamps will prove so popular that the post office will introduce their logical successor – stamps that lick you back" – and you’ll be well on your way, if not to social domination, then at least to a bright future where "Time travel will be so commonplace that Domino’s will change its guarantee to ‘30 minutes ago or it’s free.’"
Because in the Year 2000, you gotta believe, all the funniest lines will already have been aired on TV.
E-mail comments to letters@metrotimes.com.
