Winter’s Harvest - crop forecast

Winter’s Harvest — crop forecast 

Hello to Don Cheadle and 302 Alcatraz inmates 

Primetime television is breeding a nation of schizophrenics. More than 80 new and returning series will bombard us over the next three months, TV’s so-called "winter season." Just focusing on January’s first half (we’ll deal with others as their launch dates grow closer), here are a few debuts of note.

House of Lies, 10 p.m. Sundays, Showtime (premieres Sunday): The incomparable Don Cheadle gives TV another try as fast-talking corporate wheeler-dealer Marty Kaan in this outrageously unconventional comedy. Huzzahs for a black man getting rich on television dealing something other than crack. And if you really want to see more of Cheadle, don’t miss the show’s first seven minutes. 

Are You There, Chelsea? 8:30 p.m. Wednesdays, NBC (premieres Jan. 11): Already sanitized from the bestselling book that inspired it (Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea), the sitcom stars Laura Prepon (That ’70s Show) as young Chelsea Handler, the late-night cable talk goddess, comedian and author. Handler co-stars, eerily, as her own older sister. Her books are uproarious, but there’s a big difference between page and stage. From the clips I’ve seen, this show could be as desperately hollow as the show it’s being paired with, Whitney. 

The Finder, 9 p.m. Thursdays, FOX (Jan. 12): This Bones spin-off, taking the hit show’s time slot while Emily Deschanel enjoys maternity leave, reminds me of A&E’s The Glades, only with a waaay more likable star. Geoff Stults is Walter Sherman, a former Iraq war vet who suffered a brain injury in combat and now fashions himself as a gifted "finder" of all things lost. He doesn’t just think outside the box; he thinks beyond the cardboard factory. And how can any show with mountainous Michael Clarke Duncan as sidekick not be worth watching? Look for a rare cameo by rocker John Fogerty in the opener.

ROB, 8:30 p.m. Thursdays, CBS (Jan. 12): Eternal nebbish Rob Schneider returns to TV as an extremely lucky dork who marries a gorgeous Latina (Claudia Bassols) after a whirlwind affair. Reaction from her family, led by papa Cheech Marin, is, shall we say, negative. Nary a stereotype goes untouched here, but the cast is solid and CBS’s track record for sitcoms has been impressive lately. 

Alcatraz, 9 p.m. Mondays, FOX (premieres 8 p.m. Jan. 16): What is it with J.J. Abrams and islands? Channeling the mysterious aura of Lost onto America’s most famous prison, this creepy crime hour spins the mythology that the 302 inmates on "The Rock" when it closed in March 1963 never transferred: they disappeared. Now they’re coming back, exactly as they were 49 years ago, to exact a murderous revenge. The cast is appealing, with visually sublime Sarah Jones as a nosy SFPD detective, Lost favorite Jorge Garcia as her professor teammate and Sam Neill as an FBI know-it-all. Could recapture Lost’s viewer obsession.

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