FRIGHT FROM THE BINS

Telly
Telly Savalas
(MCA) 1974

People astonished about Charlie Sheen's current megalomaniacal makeup, calling himself a "Vatican assassin warlock," "a bitchin' rock star from Mars," the drinker of "Tiger Blood" and the carrier of "Adonis DNA" ought to remember that there's at least one celebrity whorehouse where he clearly checked his ego at the door and didn't walk through — he's never referred to himself in the third person nor subjected fans to an album of his singing, both crimes Lt. Theo Kojak (aka Telly Savalas) perpetrated during his short shelf life on earth. My copy of Telly contains a "Sealed for Protection" sticker still wishfully affixed to 38-year-old shrink wrap, a safeguard which Pandora-sized curiosity sadly disregarded. An even bigger red flag was the lovable chrome-dome's confession in the liner notes:

"People know that singing is not my bag, but if I say, 'Hey, this is how Telly feels about this song or that song,' I can't make mistakes. I can only make mistakes by pretending to be a great singer." After hearing how Telly feels about "Help Me Make It Through the Night," I think the only mistake I can make is listening to it again. Or as a co-worker generously put it when I digitized this for her listening pleasure, "When he sings 'Something,' it really is 'Something.'" —Serene Dominic

SCHOOLYARD VERSE

Wake for School Blues

When I lost my shoes
I had the blues.
When I lost my shoes
I had the blues.
My lucky shoes I lost
And I sang the blues.
I went to school with no shoes.
I said I went to school with no shoes.
And it gave me the blues
Because I lost my lucky shoes.

—Aaron Miller, 5th grade, InsideOut Literary Arts Project, Mark Twain School and Academy

DOWNLOAD OF THE WEEK

Hana Malhas — "Olive Tree"

Jordanian singer Hana Malhas offers the soft and serene "Olive Tree," a folky springtime song featuring punk artist Jamie Register that goes well with, um, warm hearts and hot coffee. "It's either a feel-good yet cryptic love song or a star-crossed tragedy," Malhas says. —Travis R. Wright

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