Pour some sugar ...
... in my plastic souvenir cup
Published: August 3, 2011
D'Anne: Thankfully, Poison was much less disappointing.
Laura: Yes. But to be fair, Warrant had set the bar very low. And from the reception even the music that played in between sets got from the crowd, it was obvious these people were pretty easy to please.
D'Anne: It was pretty ballsy of Poison to basically bring themselves out on stage to Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle."
Laura: Axl Rose would have pulled a total Axl Rose on their asses. For the unaware, the Poison guys were always considered total posers on the Sunset Strip. And nobody hated them more than Guns N' Roses.
D'Anne: But as soon as Rikki Rocket sauntered onstage and spray painted "Rock City" on his bass drum heads, the crowd was lovin' every second.
Laura: I always thought he looked the most like a lady back during their Look What the Cat Dragged In days. And he still does — only now he's a total lesbian. He has one of the most lesbian haircuts I've ever seen. Come to think of it, his name is pretty lesbian too.
D'Anne: Lots of old hair metal dudes have lesbian haircuts now. They went from one extreme to the other in the coiffure department. Though C.C. DeVille still has a pretty poofy do, and Bret Michaels isn't afraid to rock the hair extensions.
Laura: C.C. looks virtually the same. Although now his skin looks papery-thin with a grayish cast.
D'Anne: You were digging his guitar solos.
Laura: No. This is a false. His guitar solos were all the same. Regardless of song. "Talk Dirty to Me" and "Unskinny Bop"? The same solo. After 25 years of professional cock-rocking, I expect more.
D'Anne: I don't think people go to a Poison show expecting to see Jimmy Page. They go because they "don't need nothin' but a good time." And say what you want about how Poison has aged or how a song like "Unskinny Bop" sounds especially lame played by 50-year-old men, the audience was clearly having a blast.
Laura: "Unskinny Bop" doesn't sound especially lame played by 50-year-old men. It sounds especially lame played by anyone. That song is the worst.
D'Anne: Fine. But Poison isn't a band one should turn to for deeply thought-out lyrics. I think the most profound thing any Poison fan has learned from their music is that "every cowboy sings a sad, sad song."
Laura: True. It's Poison's fault that I always picture Gene Autry secretly crying every time he sings, "Here Comes Santa Claus."
D'Anne: You're letting Bret Michaels have way too much control over your life, Laura.
D'Anne: Though you can't say he isn't a good marketer — that man was totally wearing his own merch.
Laura: Very true. At most shows, you don't wanna be "that guy" who wears the shirt of the band you're going to see. But at a Poison show, you're "that guy" if you don't wear the shirt. The lawn was a sea of Poison shirts.
Laura: Well, clearly one of the best ways to cherish and remember the Poison 25-year anniversary tour is to stock up on merch. And there was a lot to choose from: Everything from T-shirts and shot glasses to travel mugs and even a laptop case.
D'Anne: Well, congrats, Poison: like it (me!) or not (my dumb sister!) it's clear America won't forget you, baby.
> Email D'Anne and Laura Witkowski