Of course, it's the music that matters. And the Hamtramck Blowout music festival, which turns an unruly 14 years old this year, is a mad collage of genres that matter right now.

The whole thing is celebration by design. Hundreds of bands and thousands of Mitten State music fans — including others from such faraway lands known as Berlin, Wis., and Dublin, Ohio — descend on nearly 20 old-man bars in the beautifully flawed town of Hamtramck. They'll discover a brilliant cross-section of tacky and genius, of indie ironies and girl-boy anti-harmonies, as well as tatted riff-a-rama. They'll unearth super word-fly hip hop, Casio pajama pop, velvet-tongued soul and, perhaps, if lucky, deranged Hamtown polkas fueled on jezynowka. In short, they absorb what's best in up-to-the-moment Michigan-created music.

So to all the dudes with beer-filled guts and chicks who smell of bourbon and smokes, early March shall always be that glorious time to piss on your shoes and howl at the pope, to unload your head on more song, drink and clammy push-tits than even the ever-durable Bill Bondsmen could possibly withstand. Last year, I even saw one audience member combust, spontaneously. I did.

Wristbands for all four nights are $20 (advance), and are available at Metro Times. Or check online for further ticket info at metrotimes.com/blowout. For more info, call 313-961-4060.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2

Hamtramck Blowout 14 pre-party

Garden Bowl
8:30 p.m.-close: Haute to Death

Magic Stick Stage 1
1:15 a.m.: Secret Twins
11:45 p.m.: Lettercamp
10 p.m.: FAWN

Magic Stick Stage 2
12:30 a.m.: Moon Pool & Dead Band
11:30 p.m.: Julie Hecker Tribute
10:45 p.m.: The EEKS
9:15 p.m.: Darling Imperial

THURSDAY, MARCH 3

Atlas Bar
Midnight: Computer Perfection
11 p.m.: Divine Comedians
10 p.m.: Timothy Monger State Park
9 p.m.: Cheat Sheet

Baker's Streetcar
12:20 a.m.: Blue Black Hours
11:20 p.m.: Sheefy McFly & the Delorean
10:20 p.m.: Brain Rottar
9:20 p.m.: Smackmadam

Belmont Bar
Midnight: Kommie Kilpatrick
11 p.m.: Cold Men Young
10 p.m.: Charlie Slick
9 p.m.: Beekeepers

Gates of Columbus Hall
12:20 a.m.: JSB Squad
11:20 p.m.: The High Strung
10:20 p.m.: Smash Television
9:20 p.m.: Hi Speed Dubbing

Gates of Columbus Lounge
11:40 p.m.: The Sights
10:40 p.m.: Italian Picture Factory
9:40 p.m.: Scarlet Oaks
8:40 p.m.: Tone & Niche

Jean's Bar
Midnight: Michael Seger & Everyone's Favorite Band
11 p.m.: The Black List
10 p.m.: Small Noises
9 p.m.: Space Band

Kelly's Bar
11:40 p.m.: Err...
10:40 p.m.: Telecollision
9:40 p.m.: Royale
8:40 p.m.: Over Macho Grande

Mars Bar
Midnight: Marco Polio & the New Vaccines
11 p.m.: Banxx
10 p.m.: Robin Goodfellow
9 p.m.: Betty Cooper

New Dodge
12:20 a.m.: Child Bite
11:20 p.m.: Zoos of Berlin
10:20 p.m.: Man at Arms
9:20 p.m.: Prussia

Painted Lady
11:40 p.m.: The Phantom Shakers
10:40 p.m.: Las Drogas
9:40 p.m.: Waxgordon
8:40 p.m.: Murder in the Dark

Paycheck's - VIC Showcase
1:20 a.m.: Entrails
12:20 a.m.: Deaf Beasts
11:20 p.m.: Staircase
10:20 p.m.: Lobotomys
9:20 p.m.: The Armed

Skipper's
12:20 a.m.: The Blue Squares
11:20 p.m.: Phresh Heir
10:20 p.m.: Indian Guides
9:20 p.m.: Mumble

Small's
Midnight: Illy Mack
11 p.m.: Scandinavian Pleather
10 p.m.: Deadbeat Beat
9 p.m.: Carradine

Whiskey in the Jar
12:40 a.m.: Songs From the Moon
11:40 p.m.: Skeleton Birds
10:40 p.m.: Patrick Davy & the Ghosts
9:40 p.m.: Patrick Elkins & the Rainbow Vomit Family Band

FRIDAY, MARCH 4

Atlas Bar
12:40 a.m.: Swimsuit
11:40 p.m.: Man the Hunter
10:40 p.m.: Turned to Crime
9:40 p.m.: Damned Dogs

Baker's Streetcar - Loco Gnosis Showcase
12:20 a.m.: Duende!
11:20 p.m.: Jehovah's Witness Protection Program
10:20 p.m.: Electric Lion Soundwave Experiment
9:20 p.m.: Eleanora

Belmont Bar
12:40 a.m.: The Sugarcoats
11:40 p.m.: Gardens
10:40 p.m.: Aran Ruth
9:40 p.m.: Kelly Jean Caldwell

Gates of Columbus Hall
1 a.m.: The Hard Lessons
Midnight: The Kickstand Band
11 p.m.: Mod Orange
10 p.m.: Matt Jones & the Reconstruction

Gates of Columbus Lounge
1 a.m.: Jeecy & the Jungle
Midnight: Odd Hours
11 p.m.: Magic Jake & the Power Crystals
10 p.m.: Team Ethic

Jean's Bar
12:40 a.m.: Bear Lake
11:40 p.m.: Smoke aka the Black Cal Ripken
10:40 p.m.: The Drags
9:40 p.m.: Bad Indians

Kelly's Bar
12:20 a.m.: Stoopz N Breeze
11:20 p.m.: Carjack
10: 20 p.m.: The Ultrasounds
9:20 p.m.: Sharky & the Habit

Mars Bar
12:40 a.m.: Blue Snaggletooth
11:40 p.m.: Bison Machine
10: 40 p.m.: Isoceles Mountain
9:40 p.m.: ThreeHives

New Dodge
12:20 a.m.: Doop & the Inside Outlaws
11:20 p.m.: Ryan Racine & Gas For Less
10:20 p.m.: The Afternoon Round
9:20 p.m.: The Actor Repents

Painted Lady
Midnight: Gorevette
11 p.m.: Glossies
10 p.m.: Vargas
9 p.m.: Eric Villa

Paycheck's - VIC Showcase
1:20 a.m.: Divorce Party
12:20 a.m.: Deastro
11:20 p.m.: Just Boyz
10:20 p.m.: Winter Ruby
9:20 p.m.: Phantasmagoria

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