Relative issues

Your conservative in-laws are over for dinner and, as usual, your bigmouth brother-in-law has an opinion about everything and doesn't mind letting you know all about it. Then he spies a copy of the petition to legalize marijuana in Michigan sitting on a table. And, of course, he has to let you know what he thinks about it. He sounds like he just got all his information directly from the attorney general and is getting in your face as he attempts to throttle you with the "facts" about marijuana. Here are a few facts of your own that just might shut up the loud, opinionated bigmouth in your family.

He comes swaggering into the room reeking of bourbon and says, "I see you got one of those marijuana petitions. I always knew you were stupid, but now you're leaving no doubt."

Yeah, you want to slap him silly, but that won't solve anything, so you ask: "What's so stupid about exercising my democratic right to petition the government?"

"It's stupid because drugs are stupid, and we don't need to encourage a bunch of drug addicts and send the wrong message to the kids. We need to protect the kids."

"That's exactly my point. Legalizing marijuana will protect the kids. Drug dealers don't ask kids how old they are when they want to buy something. They just want to make a sale. There is no regulation. When I was in college it was easier for me to get a bag of weed than a beer. There was someone in the dormitory selling it. If I wanted beer I had to go off-campus to buy it and find someone who was over 21 to buy it for me. Legalizing and regulating marijuana will protect the kids. It's obvious that they know how to get their hands on it now. I bet you knew where to get marijuana when you were in high school."

"Well, ahem, that was a long time ago."

Sensing an opening you pounce. "I bet you toked a few numbers in your day."

"Well, I may have been at a few parties where there was some smoking going on in the back room, but that was never my thing. I didn't want to get dragged off to jail."

"That's another thing repealing marijuana prohibition will protect your kids from — jail. The way it's set up now, getting popped for marijuana can ruin your life. What happens when you and a couple of guys from the football team get caught with a couple of joints? You go to jail where you get to hang out with real criminals and learn all kinds of unsavory things. When you get out of jail you can't get a job because you have a record, you can't get government aid to go to school and you can't get government aid for housing. The few folks who might be willing to help you are the pals you made while incarcerated. And you know the kind of stuff they're into."

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