The Dooby Awards 2021: Celebrating Michigan’s most dubious denizens

Janice Winfrey: Detroit’s City Clerk is criticized for reducing ballot drop boxes ahead of the primary, and takes more heat for signs that had the incorrect polling information on them, including the wrong hours of operation. Despite the flubs, Winfrey wins reelection in November.

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The FBI: A Justice Department report finds that the FBI severely mishandled the investigation into former MSU doctor Larry Nassar by failing to respond to the allegations “with the utmost seriousness and urgency that they deserved and required, made numerous and fundamental errors when they did respond to them, and violated multiple FBI policies." Nassar was sentenced for sexually abusing hundreds of women.

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Michigan’s GOP-controlled legislature: State Republicans vote to repeal the 1945 Emergency Powers of Governor Act, which Whitmer had used to implement COVID-19 policies. The state’s health department would later re-implement many of them later using separate laws enacted in response to the 1918 Flu, however.

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Dave Chappelle: The Comedian films his Netflix special The Closer over the course of seven sold-out shows at Detroit’s Fillmore, igniting controversy for his callous statements about transgender people — just miles down Woodward Avenue from Palmer Park, where several transgender and gender-nonconforming people have been killed in the past decade.

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Paul and Beth Werking: A judge orders these Grand Haven parents to pay $45,000 after they destroyed their son’s porn collection, which included titles like Granny's Gone Anal discs 1-7, Muffy the Vampire Layer, and The 69th Sense. Different strokes for different folks…

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Greektown brawler: An unnamed Detroit cop resigns after getting caught on video fighting revelers in Detroit’s party district — just days after graduating from the police academy.

Photo by se7enfifteen

Laughing hyena: A Detroit woman goes viral after claiming on social media that she was given a puppy that later turned out to actually be a hyena. Multiple outlets took the story and ran with it, including WXYZ, which later rescinded its story after Metro Times started asking the woman tough questions, like, “Can you please show us your alleged hyena?”

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Matty Moroun: The billionaire owner of the Ambassador Bridge builds a fence through Detroit burger spot Green Dot Stables’ parking lot after finding out he technically owned a slice of the property. A judge ordered the fence to come down just days later, and the two parties eventually settled out of court when Green Dot simply purchased the disputed land.

Photo by Jerilyn Jordan

James Craig: The former DPD chief launches his campaign for the Republican candidate for governor on Belle Isle, but is quickly overtaken by police brutality protesters who drive him off the island. How does Craig not understand how to run security? Oh, maybe it’s because he never actually got a law enforcement license in Detroit.

Photo by Marc Klockow

Sara Aldridge: A dispute between arts organization 1xRun and Aldridge, who DJs as Nothing Elegant, goes public after it’s revealed that Aldridge had been sentenced to two years of probation after being charged with allegedly embezzling more than $50,000 from the arts organization while working as its business manager.

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Jackson Carman: The Cincinnati Bengals guard tweeted “Would not recommend eating Moms spaghetti when you visit Detroit” after reportedly vomiting on Ford Field. Did he get sick at Eminem’s new 8 Mile-themed restaurant, Mom’s Spaghetti? Apparently it was just a joke that didn’t land. "FYI: I did not actually try the Moms Spaghetti Restaurant while I was in Detroit, I was referencing the @Eminem song lyrics," he tweeted the next day. We’re guessing Em’s lawyers didn’t find it amusing.

Photo by Joe Maroon

Betsy DeVos: Michigan’s billionaire former Education Secretary is allegedly among those duped by Silicon Valley figure Elizabeth Holmes, who is on trial for defrauding investors through her revolutionary blood-testing company Theranos. (The only problem is the technology never existed.) During the trial, it’s revealed that the DeVos family was apparently so wowed by Holmes’ pitch that they never bothered to do any due diligence, and forked over $100 million.

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Ryan Lee Ahern: A Rochester Hills man is arrested for breaking a window at the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community Center with a hammer, but officials say it’s not a hate crime. OK, so it’s normal for a 33-year-old white guy to vandalize a mosque, then?

Photo via Oakland County Sheriff's Office, Ahmadiyya Muslim Community Center

Kanye West: Ye takes to the Drink Champs podcast to publicly distance himself from Detroit rapper Big Sean, who announced a split from West’s G.O.O.D. Music a week earlier. On the podcast, West says that signing Sean was “the worst thing he’s ever done.” Later, Big Sean joined the podcast to dish it back, calling West’s rant “some bitch ass shit.”

Photo by Doug Coombe

Dana Nessel: Michigan’s attorney general publicly apologizes for being visibly drunk at the big MSU-UM football game after apparently downing one too many Bloody Marys, apparently getting so intoxicated that she needed to be carted off in a wheelchair. Who among us hasn’t been completely wasted at a college football game, though?

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Brass Against: The Rage Against the Machine cover band lands in hot water after frontwoman Sophia Urista, of Detroit, urinates on a fan’s face during the show. We’re honestly impressed by her ability to multitask.

Screengrab/YouTube, user Clever YouTube Channel Name

The Myanmar junta: Myanmar’s military-led government, which overtook the county in a bloody coup earlier this year, sentences Michigan-born journalist Danny Fenster to hard labor as part of a crackdown on “fake news,” aka Trump’s wet dream. It’s just sword-rattling, though: the next day they release Fenster to diplomat Bill Richardson, and he returns to his family in Huntington Woods. Welcome home, Danny.

Photo by Kelley O'Neill

Kellogg: The Battle Creek-based cereal company threatens to replace 1,400 workers who have been on strike since October with scabs, resulting in a digital mob spamming its website out of spite. (Solidarity forever!) The company and the workers eventually agree on a deal after more than two months.

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Wendy Wein: It’s revealed that a Rockwood woman was arrested and faces nine years in prison for allegedly trying to kill her ex-husband by using a service called “Rent-A-Hitman,” a fake website that passes along information to law enforcement. Despite expressing skepticism over the website not being on the “dark web,” she later agreed to meet a Michigan State Police officer in a parking lot, where she allegedly offered a $200 down payment.

Photo via Michigan State Police

Michigan Poison Control: The Michigan Poison & Drug Information Center at Wayne State University warns that marijuana could be laced with the deadly fentanyl, despite the fact that no such cases have actually been confirmed. The widely circulated and repeatedly debunked claim (thanks, Snopes) doesn’t make a lick of sense once you think about it: fentanyl is far more expensive than pot.

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