September

Pastor? I hardly know her! This is between Macomb County pastor Rev. David Muns and his god — and, well, everyone else who read this wild story of harassment. Muns sent New York Times journalist Sarah Jeong threatening and racist emails — from his church’s email address. Jeong posted a screenshot of Muns’ email, which referred to Jeong as a “little bitter Asian woman” and made references to some controversial older tweets about white men — along with many inflammatory tweets that have been falsely attributed to her — out of context. Muns later said he ultimately “caved” and admitted that his response was “terrible” before defending his actions. "But what I was responding to was simply reversed of exactly what she posted towards white men, and I just reversed it and said, 'How would you feel?'" Muns said. Well, we feel pretty annoyed to have to even report on your bullshit, so that’s where we’re at, rev!

Photo via screengrab/YouTube

September

Slim Shady: Speech! Speech! Speech! Among Mayor Mike Duggan and the city of Detroit’s many accomplishments this year, being awarded the Golden Padlock Award for sketch-ass and secretive behavior — like deleting public records, emails, etc. — is probably among Duggan’s highest honors. The mayor and his fellow cronies were named the most secretive public official and government in the United States in 2020 by Investigative Reporters and Editors (IRE), a nonprofit journalism group that issues a Golden Padlock Award every year as a way to spotlight secretive U.S. agencies and government officials. Duggan and the city earned the ignoble accolade after top city officials intentionally destroyed public records last year. In a scathing report in December 2019, the Detroit Office of the Inspector General found that Duggan’s chief of staff, Alexis Wiley, and two other top city officials ordered public employees to delete emails related to the nonprofit organization Make Your Date. The report concluded that Wiley, a former journalist, "abused her authority" by ordering employees at the city's Office of Development and Grants (ODG) to erase emails that referenced the nonprofit. Two other city officials were “complicit” in carrying out Wiley’s orders to delete the emails, the report states. Duggan and city officials turned down IRE’s request to receive the honor or respond to the award.

Photo by Steve Neavling

October

What’s in a mask?: During the final throes of the 2020 election, which pitted Democratic Senator Gary Peters against elusive Republican non-politician and Trump puppet John James, the Michigan Democratic Party dropped the hottest video of the year, or at least, the hottest video compilation of the political hopeful not wearing a mask despite claiming he has “always done everything he can to protect folks who are vulnerable.” Posted to John James Revealed — a website run by by the Michigan Dems — the video strings together a series of photos of all the times James has been caught in public this year not wearing a mask, including appearances with Vice President Mike Pence and MAGA lapdog Kid Rock. The slideshow pairs the images with “In the Hall of the Mountain King” for dramatic effect, and, yes, it slaps even harder now that James is a two-time Senate loser.

Reuters/Rebecca Cook

October

Born Free (speech): Nothing screams “Kid Rock” more than a grammatically incorrect, profanity-laden tweet aimed at the CEO of Twitter — you know, the dude who co-created the very platform. The 49-year-old “straight out the trailer” wannabe cowboy took issue with Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, using Twitter to launch his insult, paired with a photo of a heavily bearded Dorsey. “Look at this bitch ass mother fucker! Have a great weekend. Kid Rock,” he wrote. His tweet followed blowback from the right because Twitter had blocked links to two controversial and questionable New York Post articles regarding Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden's son Hunter Biden.

Photo via s_bukley/Shutterstock.com

November

Trump pimps out Lil Pump: To make us feel like we’re truly losing our fucking minds with déjà vu, President Donald Trump finished out his reelection campaign in Grand Rapids with a MAGA rally on the eve of the 2020 election — just as he did in 2016 during a late-night rally in which he declared, “If we win Michigan, we will win this historic election.” And, as we all know, the fucker did it. He won by two votes per precinct. But during what we hope is his last-ever Michigan appearance (he said that night that if he lost in Michigan, he would never return), Trump displayed his Greatest Hits. But the strangest moment — and the one to snag the most headlines — was when he failed to get the name of his celebrity guest correct when introducing him to a crowd that clearly had no idea who the fuck this person was — pre- or -post flub. “Speaking of sound, music, and other things, one of the big superstars of the world, Lil Pimp,” Trump said. Of course, he meant to say Lil Pump, as in the attention-starved Soundcloud rapper who made it by repeating the words “Gucci gang” over and over. Trump did correct himself and when Lil Pump took the mic, he praised the president for bringing the troops home and urged the crowd to “not vote for Sleepy Joe at all!” Don’t let the door — or the Xanny bars — hit you on the way out.

Photo via Evan Al-Amin

November

It ain’t funny: While events like the annual Thanksgiving Day parade were altered per the state orders and Gov. Gretchen Whitmer issued stern warnings against Thanksgiving gatherings of more than two households due to COVID-19, Danny Brown said fuck it for a virtual edition of his annual Bruiser Thanksgiving Eve concert, which was packed with people and performers. “You watching some illegal shit!” Brown acknowledged during his set. That day, 4,273 new COVID-19 cases and 73 new deaths were reported in Michigan. Glad someone was living their “Best Life.”

Photo via Jeremy Deputat/Red Bull Content Pool

November

Bridge over troubled water: Nothing gets us fully torqued quite like watching the “Trump Unity Bridge” — a roving shrine to President Donald Trump festooned with Blue Lives Matter flags— get towed by Detroit Police. Rob Cortis, the float’s creator, owner, and driver, was arrested for driving with an invalid license plate and an outstanding warrant. The arrest took place during the days-long gathering of Trump supporters outside of Detroit’s TCF Center — which served as a ballot-processing facility — to intimidate election officials, demanding they stop counting, per a Twitter directive from the Chode in Chief himself.

Photo by Rusty Young

November

Say it ain’t so: Michigan suffered a lot of major losses in 2020, including the loss of the metro Detroit/Windsor area’s “New Rock Alternative,” FM radio station 89X, which, following a cryptic announcement on its website, tragically, turned into a country station, leaving the station’s Linkin Park, Sevendust, Our Lady Peace, and System of a Down fans to change the dial. On May 13, 1991, 89X cemented itself as a leader in alt-rock by airing its first song, “Stop!” by Jane's Addiction. For its swan song, the station said goodbye — er, stopped — by airing the same 1990 Jane’s Addiction hit, which was followed by Pure Country, kicking off its boot scootin’ bullshit with “Cruise” by Florida Georgia Line.

Photo via Lauren/Flickr Commons

November

Yacht Lives Matter: Once in a great while, something starts trending on Twitter that’s actually worth reverse-engineering. Perhaps the greatest moment in Michigan Twitter this year came by way of the Wayne County Board of Canvassers meeting. Monica Palmer of Grosse Pointe, one of the board’s two Republicans, voted against certifying the county’s election results due to minor and typical discrepancies in the tally of the votes. After intense public backlash, including calls that they were attempting to disenfranchise the nation's Blackest big city, Detroit, the two Republicans changed their votes and then they changed their minds again and rescinded their votes, reportedly after Palmer received threats from “Antifa from Grosse Pointe.” (And also after President Donald Trump reportedly called them.) Thus, Grosse Pointe Antifa was born, and Twitter did not disappoint with the memes or the merchandise, providing one of few laughs this year.

Courtesy photo

December

De-fart-mation of character: One of the four horsemen of the apocalypse and/or notorious lizard person Rudy Giuliani embarrassed himself — well, continued to embarrass himself — when he farted (we’re serious) and lied his way through a conspiracy theory-filled, error-laden Michigan House committee hearing in an attempt to overturn Joe Biden’s win and prove President Trump’s claims of voter fraud. The appearance, which followed the news that Giuliani had allegedly asked Trump for $20,000 per day for his, uh, services. Nothing came of the hearing, except for a wacky “witness” and multiple people confirming Giuliani’s flatulence.

Photo via Shutterstock.com

December

Eternal damnation and contagion: A Holland pastor is in hot water after a clip surfaced showing him urging his church's congregants to just "get it over with" and get COVID-19. In a clip that could be a Saturday Night Live skit, pastor Bart Spencer of Lighthouse Baptist Church told his followers — while coughing — "COVID, it’s all good." To be clear, medical experts have strongly urged against people intentionally getting COVID-19. While most people survive the illness, more than 10,000 Michiganders have not, or 2.5% of the state's confirmed cases. Many who do survive still report symptoms months after falling ill, plus it's not just you that health officials are worried about — asymptomatic people can still spread the disease to other, more vulnerable people. Spencer made the comments during a Nov. 14 sermon, which was shared on Facebook by Miguel Medina, a former member of the church.

Photo via screengrab/Facebook