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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

Why Does My Vagina Hurt?

Plus other questions too dirty to repeat here.

Photo: Courtesy Photo, License: N/A

Courtesy Photo


Q: I’m a straight 24-year-old female, and I just recently lost my virginity. I’ve had sex only three times (not with a monogamous partner) and have found each time to be incredibly painful — even when the guy’s just using his fingers. I’ve always been extremely sensitive. In the past, I’ve had guys run their hands over my jeans, and even that hurts. I brought this up when I went to my first ob-gyn appointment, and my doctor assured me that everything was normal down there. It’s driving me nuts because I feel like I’m missing out on a big part of my life. I know a lot of this may be psychological, but I wanted to know if I am just supposed to continue having sex to the point where it becomes pleasurable? —Tight Twat

A: “Although vaginal intercourse hurts some women the first time or two that they have sex, it’s usually not ‘incredibly painful,’” says Dr. Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University, a sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute, and the author of numerous books. “And women rarely experience pain when it’s just fingers (unless the person is being really rough or has sharp fingernails), and especially not when someone is just running hands over jeans.”

So something is up down there, TT, and you did the right thing by seeing a doc. “It’s fantastic that she went to an ob-gyn so soon after starting to have sex,” Herbenick says. “Many women are too shy or nervous, even though it’s recommended for all sexually active women. Unfortunately, many doctors have had little to no training in diagnosing or treating vulvar pain, something that groups like the National Vulvodynia Association (nva.org) have been working to change.”

So it’s great that you went to a doctor, but you’re going to have to see another doctor, TT, one who knows something about vulvar pain. Herbenick recommends that you find someone who “lives and breathes the vulva and vagina in their medical practice,” and there are organizations that can help you find those livers and breathers. “TT can find such a health-care provider through the NVA or the International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (issvd.org),” Herbenick says. “I don’t know where she lives, but there are excellent vulvovaginal health clinics at the University of Iowa and the University of Michigan. The U.S. is really far behind other countries in the establishment of such clinics, but we’re getting there. I dream of the day when every major U.S. city has one — and smaller places too!”

For more info on vulvar and vaginal pain — and other sexual health and pleasure issues — get your hands on a copy of Herbenick’s latest book, Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered — For Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex. And you can follow her on Twitter @DebbyHerbenick.

Q: Five years ago, my wife and I decided to pursue her MFM threesome fantasy. Part of her fantasy was that the other chap have a BBC (big black cock), so we advertised and met this great guy who we’ve seen three times a year ever since. He is nice and open-minded, and we’ve become so comfortable with our BBC that we meet at our home now instead of a hotel. So there are respectful and safe people out there to be found! The issue I’m writing about is a problem with me. After our BBC ejaculates in my wife — everyone is tested and free of STIs — I enjoy going down on her, he enjoys watching me go down on her, and she enjoys having me lick the interloper’s come from her pussy. That isn’t the problem. The problem arises when our BBC isn’t in the picture. We enjoy talking about our dirty threesomes, and we both talk about how hot it will be when I go down on her after I’ve unloaded in her myself. Unfortunately, once I’ve made my deposit, I have zero desire to go down on her. It’s like someone flips a switch in my brain and something I couldn’t wait to do is suddenly repulsive to me. This problem doesn’t arise in our threesomes because our BBC always comes before I do. What is my issue? Is there a fix? —Can’t Really Eat All My Pecker’s Icky Emissions

A: So your regular third with the big cock is nice, open-minded and STI-free. Sounds great, CREAMPIE, but how can you be certain about the STI-free part when you see him only three times a year? Unless he’s abstinent the rest of the year, or unless you test before each of your threesomes, there’s some risk here.

You also describe your regular third as “respectful,” and that’s great. We all deserve respectful sex partners. You do, CREAMPIE, your wife does — and so does your regular third. But referring to your regular third as BBC, or “big black cock,” isn’t respectful. It’s dehumanizing. Now, his big black cock brought you all together, of course, and it’s fine to be attracted to others for particular physical attributes. It’s also fine to explore racially charged fantasies so long as everyone is up for it and no one feels disrespected or dehumanized. But since this big black cock is attached to a fun and trustworthy guy who you enjoy spending time with (and cleaning up after), maybe you could refer to him as your ABC (“awesome black chum”) instead of as your BBC? Just, you know, to show some respect for him as a person. Which is what he is.

Anyway, CREAMPIE, as for your problem: A man’s body releases the hormone prolactin when he comes. That particular hormone makes a man sleepy, it makes his boner deflate, and it temporarily renders him indifferent to or repulsed by sex. So something that sounded hot right before you came — eating your own come out of the wife’s pussy — is going to be much less appealing right after you come.

It’s a snatch-22, CREAMPIE, and there’s no fix.

Q: I’m 45, female, and married to a smart, funny, intelligent 50-year-old man. We’ve been together nine years, married seven. The sex was good for the first year and then dropped off to nothing. He says, “I’ve had plenty of sex in my life. I’m just not interested anymore.” During my first marriage, the sex was so bad that I thought, “If I could find a man who loved to cuddle, I could go the rest of my life without sex.” Perfectly describes husband No. 2! Except now I feel more sexual than I ever have! I’ve discussed this with my husband endlessly and have mentioned open marriage, but nothing ever comes of it. I’m not an instigator, although I have tried a few times and have been rejected. Yes, he has had his testosterone checked. It’s normal. Not even going to a therapist helped. What do I do? He’s a great guy, he loves me and my grown kids unconditionally, but we are more friends and roommates than husband and wife. We have a safe, comfortable life, but I’m too young to go without that for the rest of my life! —Careful What You Wish For

A: He’s done with sex, and you’re not — so you get to fuck other people, and he doesn’t get to say anything about it. Take a lover, CWYWF, take two. There are tons of men out there in sexless marriages that they don’t want to end because they love their wives or they love their kids or they can’t be bothered or all of the above. Get your ass online and find one or two. If your husband is against an open marriage in principle — if he insists that you remain “monogamous” to him — tell him what he wants to hear and fuck other men regardless.

There’s an upside to herpes, courtesy of science! At savagelovecast.com.

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