Who's the daddy?
I conceived, but was it my husband or our partner?
Published: December 21, 2011
It depends, BUTT.
You can enjoy lube-it-up-and-stick-it-in anal without incurring too great a risk of injury so long as your boyfriend isn't shoving his entire dick up your ass in one thrust. If he's pushing his dick in you gradually but firmly, giving your poor butt a chance to relax and adjust as he "forces" his way in, then you'll probably be OK. (Probably is the word of the day.)
That said, BUTT, while it's a fine thing to enjoy a little pain during sex — or "sensation play," as the kinksters have taken to calling it — making your asshole the focus of erotic pain isn't a sensational idea. Anal fissures and tears take forever to heal and even a small one can put your ass out of commission for months. A big one can put your ass out of commission for years.
There are plenty of ways your boyfriend can make you hurt during anal without brutalizing your hole. He can slap your ass, yank on a pair of tit clamps, pull your hair, crank up the juice on an e-stim unit. You've got nerve endings all over your body, not just in and around your hole. If your boyfriend can walk and chew gum at the same time, BUTT, he can work some of those other nerves while he works your hole.
I'm a gay man in my 20s. While I love reading your advice for red-state kinksters, straight married folks, and lesbians with hymens, I'm wondering where the gay has gone. Can we get a column or two with an assortment of questions addressing the problems facing gay men in their 20s? Something for gay boys at that stage of life that falls between "it gets better" and "it gets domestic"? —Feeling Left Out
Happy to — hit me with some Qs, gay boys, and I'll dedicate a couple of columns to your issues and tissues.
Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Send letters to Dan at firstname.lastname@example.org.
> Email Dan Savage