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Savage Love

Third parties

Your boyfriend has a girlfriend - and you don't know her

By Dan Savage

Published: January 12, 2011

She drew you out after sex and encouraged you to open up to her about your sexual fantasies, and then she stomped on you like that? That was an asshole move on her part, borderline emotionally and sexually abusive, and I hope you arranged to have the door hit her in the ass on her way out of your apartment.


Q: I love it when you invent words, and I want to nominate a nameless phenomenon that sometimes afflicts boring het guys like me (as well as all other guys): The blockage that is created by dried semen on the tip of your dick after sex needs a name. You wake up at 3 a.m. to drop a line after dozing off after sex, and either the urine gets blocked for a moment and then bursts out like a geyser (which kinda hurts) or the blockage is only partial and the piss sprays off at some crazy angle and gets all over the floor or the walls (which kinda sucks). This phenomenon should have a name! —Can't Spell Neologism Without Gism

A: I'm tempted to ask SUPER what his girlfriend's name is, CSNWG, because if anyone on earth deserves to be forever associated with a crusty blockage that has to be pissed away after sex, it's her.

But I'm sure my readers — the folks behind "santorum" — can come up with something better. Gang?

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