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Savage Love

Starting out right

Learning the relationship ropes with a little help from Dan

By Dan Savage

Published: May 23, 2012

Tell her this: "I met this boy, and he's been texting me. I don't want to date him — I'm only somewhat attracted to him — but I'm enjoying the attention. But we should talk about that same-gender-partners-on-the-side arrangement. Not because I'm going to jump into bed with this guy. I'm not ready for sex. But we should talk about this stuff before I meet a boy I do want to have sex with."

If Selena flips and dumps you, then she wasn't open to you exploring your same-sex attractions. Which means your relationship with her wasn't just destined to end, NAI, it needed to end.

2) Don't assume that Dave couldn't possibly be interested in a friendship because he's sexually active. Lots of sexually active people have friends, and most of us are capable of forming new friendships. If a friendship is "too much to ask" of Dave — if he's only interested in your dick — he'll let you know by disappearing on you or by accepting your friendship under false pretenses. If he disappears on you, well, he wasn't a very nice guy and you didn't lose much. If he accepts your friendship only so he can continue pressuring you for sex, well, then he's not a very nice guy and you won't lose much when you disappear on him.

But he might be up for a friendship. Lots of sexually active people are. So ask.


Confidential to Canadian Heritage Minister James Moore and Conservative MP Dean Del Mastro: Please shut down that sex-ed exhibit (Sex: A Tell-All Exhibition) at the Canada Science and Technology Museum in Ottawa! I don't want Canadian kids to get "reliable answers to their [sex] questions" from museums. I want Canadian kids to get drunkenly dashed-off answers to their sex questions from gay sex-advice columnists. And so, it seems, do you two. I sure do appreciate your support, guys. Now go shut that fucker down. Thanks!

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