Trending
Most Read
  • Planet Ant presents A Steady Rain

    The Planet Ant Theatre in Hamtramck will present a police drama called A Steady Rain May 2 through 24. Planet Ant veterans Ryan Carlson and York Griffith will star in the play, written by House of Cards and Mad Men co-writer Keith Huff. Tickets ($10-$20) are on sale now at PlanetAnt.com. According to the press release, “A Steady Rain by Keith Huff focuses on Joey and Denny, best friends since kindergarten and partners on the police force whose loyalty to each other is tested by domestic affairs, violence and the rough streets of Chicago. Joey helps Denny with his family and Denny helps Joey stay off the bottle. But when a routine disturbance call takes a turn for the worse their loyalty is put to the ultimate test.First produced at Chicago Dramatists, A Steady Rain appeared on Broadway featuring Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig. The Planet Ant production of A Steady Rain is directed by York Griffith featuring Ryan Carlson and Andy Huff. This marks the return of two of Planet Ant’s founding members. Carlson and Griffith. Griffith has served as the theatre’s Artistic Director where he directed the critically-acclaimed productions The Adding Machine and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? […]

    The post Planet Ant presents A Steady Rain appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • You can wear Detroit’s blight on your face

    There is no easy answer to the question regarding what should be done with Detroit’s abandoned homes. However, an Eastern Market company has a solution that could reflect Detroit’s possibly bright future. Homes Eyewear has set out to make the city a little more stylish, and do their part in cleaning it up by repurposing select woods from neglected homes for sunglasses. All of the wood that Homes uses is harvested from vacant houses with the assistance of Reclaim Detroit. A lot of work goes into prepping the wood to be cut and shaped into frames. Homes goes through each piece to remove nails, paint or anything else detrimental to their production (it’s a bit strange to think that your wooden sunglasses could have had family portraits nailed to them). In order to produce more durable eyewear, they salvage only hardwoods like maple or beech, which are difficult to come by as most of the blighted homes were built with softer woods like Douglas fir and pine. If you’re worried about looking goofy, or shudder at the thought of salvaged wood resting on your nose, you can rest easy. Homes currently offers frames in the popular wayfarer style and are developing their unique spin on the classic aviators. For as […]

    The post You can wear Detroit’s blight on your face appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Lily Tomlin coming to Ann Arbor

    Detroit home-girl Lily Tomlin will perform at the Hill Auditorium in Ann Arbor on Saturday, June 14. A press release reads, “Get together with Lily Tomlin for an unforgettable night of fun and sidesplitting laughter. “Tomlin is amazing” The NY Times and “as always a revelation.” The New Yorker This unique comic artist takes her audience on what the Washington Post calls a “wise and howlingly funny” trip with more than a dozen of her timeless characters—from Ernestine to Mrs. Beasley to Edith Ann.” “With astounding skill and energy, Tomlin zaps through the channels like a human remote control. Using a fantastic range of voices, gestures and movements, she conjures up the cast of characters with all the apparent ease of a magician pulling a whole menagerie of animals from a single hat.” NY Daily News “Her gentle touch is as comforting as it is edifying.” NY Time Out She has “made the one-person show the daring, irreverent art form it is today.” Newsweek Her long list of awards includes: a Grammy; two Tonys; six Emmys; an Oscar nomination; two Peabodys; and the prestigious Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Find more info here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post Lily Tomlin coming to Ann Arbor appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Welcome Valerie Vande Panne, the new Detroit Metro Times editor

    The Detroit Metro Times, Detroit’s award-winning alternative weekly media company, is proud to announce the recent hire of Valerie Vande Panne as Editor-in-Chief. An award-winning independent journalist and Michigan native, Vande Panne’s work has appeared in Crain’s Detroit Business, The Daily Beast, and Salon, among other publications. Previously, Vande Panne attended Harvard University and was a regular contributor to The Boston Phoenix, and a news editor of High Times magazine. She has spent years covering drug policy among other subjects, including the environment, culture, lifestyle, extreme sports, and academia. “Valerie understands our business and what we expect to accomplish in Detroit. She has an excellent sense for stories that will move our readers, as well as experience with balancing print and digital content. I’m excited to have her at the paper and trust her leadership as we move forward,” said Detroit Metro Times publisher Chris Keating.

    The post Welcome Valerie Vande Panne, the new Detroit Metro Times editor appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Joumana Kayrouz to cover ‘Metro Times’

    She welcomes you when you enter Detroit, from every direction, with the one word that might just be Detroit’s biggest philosophical question: Injured? Joumana Kayrouz is deeper than the inflated image watching over Detroit, peddling justice to the poor and broken of the city. This Wednesday, Drew Philp takes us behind the billboard and into the heart of the Kayrouz quest. (And all of Brian Rozman’s photos of Kayrouz have not been retouched.) Check out MT‘s cover story, on newsstands Wednesday!

    The post Joumana Kayrouz to cover ‘Metro Times’ appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Fire at PJ’s Lager House, no people hurt

    There was a fire in an upstairs apartment at PJ’s Lager House on Monday evening. No people were hurt, although three cats belonging to the tenants died after CPR. The fire broke out around 10:30 p.m. during a show featuring Zombie Jesus & the Chocolate Sunshine Band, Curtin, and Jeffrey Jablonsky. “We just smelled smoke and someone yelled everyone has to get out,” 33-year-old Nick Leu told MLive. On the Lager House Facebook page in the early hours of the morning, a post said, “We at PJ’s lager House would like to thank everyone for their care and concern. Also, a very big THANK YOU to all who stepped up to do what they could this evening. The fire was contained to the upstairs but due to water damage in the bar, we will be closed until it can be assessed. Everyone is safe and we will keep you updated.” A later update read, “Update from the big boss. Since there was no damage to the stage side of the bar, the show will go on tomorrow! You may have to enter through the back door and there may not be a large selection of booze but we are going […]

    The post Fire at PJ’s Lager House, no people hurt appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

Calendar

Calendar

Search thousands of events in our database.

Restaurants

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Nightlife

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

MT on Twitter
MT on Facebook

Print Email

Savage Love

Sizing up size queens

Are my equipment requirements out of proportion?

Q: I suppose you are going to call me an asshole once you have finished reading my letter, but I hope you have some advice for me regardless.

I am a 45-year-old heterosexual male. My last relationship lasted nearly seven years. I am currently single. I am discouraged. One of the reasons for my discouragement: I have to get too far into a relationship before I can determine if it will work out with any particular woman. An awful lot of emotion, time and effort are required to get that first look into a woman's panties. And this is where my problem lies. A woman can have the sweetest personality, she can be pretty and hardworking, but if her pussy isn't bald and her "little man in the boat" doesn't fit comfortably in my mouth, I am not turned on. I require a shaved pussy and a big clit.

I have asked women with whom I've become close to go bald. If the answer is no, there is no need to return. I respect a woman's control over her own body, of course, but I like a big clit. She may or may not be bald, but if the clit isn't big enough, there's no sense in returning. I have heard women say that they were disappointed to find that a man's dick was too small or too large, or they didn't like that it curved to the left or right. Do I have a right to a similar preference? What do I do? Is there a way to ask about these issues before emotion, time and effort are invested? —Call Me Asshole

A: Knowing that she could be disqualified due to the size of her clit, which she can do nothing about, or the presence of pubic hair, which she can do something about (but might not want to), is information a woman might want before she invests a lot of emotion, time and effort in you, CMA. Or any emotion, time and effort. But there's literally no way to ask a woman to show you her clit or to verify either her "baldness" or willingness to go bald in advance of that crucial first date. Even women with 6-inch clits who suffer from neck-down alopecia (credit: www.tinyurl.com/5vle95) are going to run screaming after hearing a request like that.

Don't get me wrong, CMA: It's a fine thing to have preferences, to be aware of them, and to be able to articulate them. And most people would prefer to be with someone whose preferences roughly jibe with their attributes. But most of us would also like to think — even if it's not true — that our personalities are so winning that our partners would love us even if, say, our clits were tiny and our pubes towering.

So what do you do? Well, CMA, since being up-front about your very particular, deal-breaking preferences would result in your never seeing another pussy again in your life, I think you keep your mouth shut. You're just going to have to date and invest the time. And then if you discover once you get into her pants that her clit is too small or her pussy is too hairy, CMA, just make up a nice, polite, it's-not-you-it's-me lie. It wouldn't be fair to leave her wondering what the hell is wrong with her when in actual fact there's something wrong with you.


Q:
Kinky female here, age 26. For as long as I've been sexually active, I've been ridiculously turned on by guys with huge cocks. I love the way they look and feel in my hands and when they're inside me. This isn't to say that I'd date a guy purely on cock enormity alone; I wouldn't. But I'm not sure what to do about my current situation: I'm dating someone now who shares my same values — he's flamingly liberal and actually enjoys RuPaul's Drag Race — but we don't have the greatest sexual chemistry. Some of it's because he's pretty vanilla, although he's GGG, but a lot of it is that his dick is average. Sadly. Am I wrong to want a guy with the lower half of a horse? If so, can I retrain myself to accept, and even want, an average or below-average penis? —Female Phallophiliac

A: You don't say how long you've been dating this guy, FP.

If you've been fucking him for a while and you still haven't found a groove, well, it might be best to move on. Liberalism and RuPaul's Drag Race are nice, but they're not enough to sustain a long-term romantic relationship.

But if you've been dating him a short time, FP, and there's been some noticeable improvement on the chemistry front, you might want to stick around. Sometimes the chemistry is there and obvious from the start; sometimes chemistry kicks into gear after a few weeks or months. If you dig him — and it sounds like you do — then he's worth the investment of a little time. As for the little dick, well ...

How big is his forearm?


Q:
I'm a partnered gay man who happens to have a small cock. When I was younger, I was often embarrassed, but I have gotten used to it and I can't change it and I know how to enjoy it now.

Among my friends, small-dick jokes are common. Not directed at me, but generic jokes and comments suggesting that guys with small dicks aren't real men, or should always bottom, or aren't worth dating. Stuff like that. And it has begun to make me feel much more self-conscious, especially since a couple of the guys I've heard making these jokes are intimately familiar with my cock. They know I'm small. It wasn't an issue, because they initiated the sex and wanted it more than once. I had a six-month fuck-buddy relationship with one of these guys and I topped him, so I know he didn't have an issue with my size.

So my dilemma is this: Is this just some self-esteem issue that I've been unaware of and need to deal with? Or should I say something, at least to the two guys I've had sex with? They are my closest friends and know that I struggled with my size when I was younger. —Sensitive Matters And Lessons Learned

A: You should definitely say something to the two ingrates you've had sex with, SMALL, and to anyone else who makes small-dick jokes in your presence. You don't have to volunteer to men you haven't fucked that you happen to have a small dick yourself. Just point out that in any group, there are going to be guys with smaller-than-average endowments and that it's just not cool to make those guys feel bad or inadequate — particularly when studies show that the partners of men with smaller-than-average dicks report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than people whose partners have larger-than-average dicks.


Straight rights watch:
Indiana's right-wing Republican governor signed a bill into law that strips Planned Parenthood in that state of federal funds. This is going to lead to more abortions in Indiana, not fewer, but facts don't matter to right-wing shit-piles like Mitch "Social Issues Truce" Daniels. Now would be a good time to make a donation — even if all you can afford is a small, symbolic one — to Planned Parenthood of Indiana. Go to ppin.org, and click "Donate Now!" Then do everything you can to defeat the GOP in 2012.

We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus