Savage Love
Sex toy etiquette
Tactful house guests won't mention what they find
Published: August 1, 2012
And the proper etiquette in a situation like this is to ignore the mislaid sex toy. Leave the gag where you found it and say nothing about it to your hosts, your mutual friend, or any syndicated sex-advice columnists. Whether your hosts stumble over the gag after your visit or realize it's missing and slip into their guest suite to retrieve it during your visit, GAG, your discretion will allow your hosts to tell themselves that you didn't discover it.
Q:
I'm a senior in college and a lesbian, and I have a question about strap-on etiquette. My previous girlfriend and I bought one together, and I really enjoyed being on the receiving end of it. When we broke up, she took it since she felt like she had "bonded" with it. My current GF and I have been thinking of getting one, but I'm not sure how I feel about another joint purchase. I like her a lot, but I don't know if our relationship will last after I graduate next spring, and the prospect of having to get a new toy every time I break up with someone isn't appealing. Would it be reasonable, as a generally receptive partner, to buy a strap-on that I can bond with and ask future partners to use it? Is it selfish to be thinking of the eventual end of a relationship when shopping for toys? — Seeking Toy-Related Advice Pronto
A:
A strap-on isn't a funnel gag, STRAP. By which I mean to say ...
Even if a strap-on is a joint purchase, even if it was purchased for the pleasure of the person "on the receiving end," it's not uncommon for the wearer of a particular strap-on — the person on the giving end — to come to regard the strap-on as an extension of her body and bond with it. Such was the case with your ex. And even if your ex had allowed you to keep that strap-on, STRAP, odds are good that your new girlfriend would also have seen that old strap-on as an extension of your ex's body and insisted on it being replaced.
My advice: Go halfsies on a new strap-on — on the harness and the dildo — and one or two other sex toys of comparable value and utility. If the relationship ends, your new ex-girlfriend keeps the strap-on, you keep the funnel gag.
Programming Note: "Chick-fil-A" is an obvious synonym for "pegging." I mean, obviously, right? I shall now use Chick-fil-A in a sentence: "Her boyfriend's kinda homophobic, but I hear he loves Chick-fil-A."
Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Send mail to mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter.
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