Q:

 I have a question regarding pornography usage and browser histories. As a matter of courtesy to my wife (and anyone else who may use our devices), I always clear the browser history on whatever device (computer/iPad) I may have used to view pornography. I have always just assumed that she doesn't want to see "Teen Anal Adventures" or "Lifestyles of the Deep and Fisted" when she logs onto the browser history. However, the other day, she noticed a blank browser history and berated me for "keeping secrets" from her regarding my masturbatory viewings. I thought I was following proper etiquette by erasing the browser history. Now I am not so sure. Your thoughts?  — Wondering Husband Always Clears Kache

A:

 If your wife enjoys porn, doesn't smut-shame you for enjoying porn, and wants to check out your browser history because she finds it titillating to review your recent porn picks, then stop clearing your browser history.

But if your wife hates porn and smut-shames you for watching porn, WHACK, then keep clearing your browser history. She's not angry that you're keeping secrets. She's angry that you're watching porn and she's trying to create a lose-lose scenario for you. Watch porn and don't clear your browser history? Get in trouble for watching porn. Watch porn and clear your browser history? Get in trouble for watching porn. The only way you can avoid getting in trouble? Stop watching porn.

And we both know that ain't gonna happen, right?

So keep clearing your browser history, WHACK, which is the courteous thing to do. And ignore the wife when she tries to make you feel guilty about watching porn because that kind of inconsiderate, controlling, smut-shaming behavior shouldn't be tolerated. (My response presumes that your porn consumption is moderate, WHACK, and that you're not neglecting the wife's needs for emotional and sexual intimacy in favor of alone time with your laptop. If your habits are immoderate or you're neglecting her, then your wife has every right to be furious — at you, WHACK, not porn.)

Q:

 I'm gay and so is my insanely attractive boyfriend. We have been dating for a year now. His attractiveness isn't a problem ... until it is. You see, he enjoys getting compliments and he gets them frequently from other gay guys. I love my boyfriend and I am happy when he's happy, but the frequency with which guys make passes at him has started to make me uncomfortable. I told him this, and he tells me he isn't going to tell them to stop because he doesn't see what the problem is, and that it would seem standoffish to say anything negative about these passes. He tells me that it's not like he's making passes back and most of the time he insists I'm misinterpreting an innocent interaction. These guys are actively flirting with my boyfriend, and he takes it as a compliment! Am I being appropriately protective or am I being a jealous douche?  — Scared And Protective

A:

 If your friends — yours or his — are making passes at your boyfriend, SAP, then you have a right to be angry. Good gay etiquette dictates that friends either refrain from making passes at insanely attractive guys who have boyfriends or that they make passes at the insanely attractive guy and his boyfriend. If your friends are making the passes at your boyfriend only, or they're making passes at him or you (or both) when they know your relationship is exclusive, then you and your boyfriend need to let your disrespectful or clueless friends know that they're being huge assholes.

But there's not much you can do about strangers making passes at your boyfriend, SAP, particularly if your boyfriend enjoys the attention — and it sure sounds like he does.

You've got a hot boyfriend, SAP, and that has its perks. But it has drawbacks too. Putting up with other people innocently hitting on your boyfriend — innocent because they don't know your boyfriend is partnered, SAP, and because your boyfriend isn't exactly exuding a fuck off vibe — is the price you'll have to pay to be with this insanely attractive guy. Willing yourself to take these passes and your boyfriend's clear enjoyment of them in stride, SAP, is a wiser course than allowing something that's outside your control to become an ongoing source of conflict in your relationship.

Q:

 Staying with friends of friends in their guest suite and discovered a "funnel gag" sitting on the floor next to the bed. (I took a picture and did a Google Images search!) My best guess is that it fell there after its last "use," as it was on the side of the bed nearest the wall and it could have been overlooked during "cleanup." Do I say something? What's the "etiquette" in a situation like this? What do people use these things for?  — Guest Asks Graciously

A:

 People don't use them to "water" stubborn plants, GAG.

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