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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage

Undersexed Moms, Horny Nephews

Quickies from Savage.

Photo: Courtesy photo, License: N/A

Courtesy photo


Q: My friend is in her late 20s and married, and she has two little kids. Her husband had a rough childhood and has some issues. Since their most recent child was conceived, they have not had sex. He says he believes there is a difference between a lover and a mother, and he refuses to have sex with his wife now because he thinks of her as a mother to their children and not as a lover. She is struggling with this and doesn’t know what to do. Any advice? —Miserable Undersexed Mom

 

A: My advice? Don’t make babies with crazy people. But if your friend doesn’t have access to a time machine — or if she does but she’s attached to her children — she should inform her husband that she didn’t sign up for a sexless marriage. So he’ll need to get his ass to a therapist and get over this new mother-of-my-children hang-up. (Why didn’t he have this problem after the birth of his first child?) If counseling doesn’t do the trick, MUM, your friend should tell her husband that the mother of his children intends to find a guy who will fuck her, a divorce attorney, or a divorce attorney who will fuck her.

 

Q: I had an odd bit of awkwardness over the holidays. One of my wife’s nephews recently came out as gay, which is no problem at all for us, but it created friction in his immediate family. We were at a big extended-family dinner together, and after we sat down, I made a point of smiling warmly in his direction to let him know that my wife and I were allies. He responded with the Hot Steamy Eye-Fuck. And not just once: Every time I looked at that end of the table, I got the HSEF. Mind you, he’s a recently-out-of-the-closet 19-year-old and I’m a 42-year-old straight guy who’s married to his aunt. Maybe he was bored or perhaps trying to cause trouble. Is there a look that says, “I’m not interested,” or better yet, “Knock it the fuck off”? We haven’t seen him since, but we will run into him again eventually and want to be supportive without encouraging bad behavior. —Unnerving Nephew Crosses Line

 

A: The next time you want to tell a horny 19-year-old gay relative that you’re an ally, UNCL, use your words, e.g., “If you need someone in your corner, kiddo, you can count on us.” Because a warm smile from an uncle is likely to be misinterpreted as an invitation to fuck your (closeted-and-dying-for-cock) uncle or fuck with your (well-meaning-but-patronizing) uncle. Likewise, the best way to communicate “knock it off” is by using your words, not your eyes.

 

Q: I’m a 33-year-old straight woman, married for 10-plus years to an awesome guy. We have a great relationship. Our sex life wasn’t always super. At first, he didn’t want much sex and had a lot of inhibitions. But I’ve worked hard at bringing him out of his shell, and he has willingly tried several toys and playful games, and the last few years have been great. The problem is his most recent revelation. He told me he’s interested in being dominated. By me. I asked him if it was mostly a visual thing or if he liked the idea of actually being dominated by a woman. He said it was both. I am so uncomfortable with this idea. He has always been somewhat passive in bed. I assumed that it’s because he was shy and embarrassed about sex (which he was), but now I think maybe it’s more than that. The problem with his passivity is that it totally kills my mood. I don’t want to crack a whip (metaphorically or literally) and tell him what to do. The thought grosses me out. How can I give him what he wants here? —Dame Not Domme

 

A: By sending him to see a pro-domme, DND. You dominate him by ordering him to submit to her, she cracks the literal whip and then orders him to show his gratitude to you — and his submission to you both — by going home and vanilla-ing the shit out of you afterward.

 

Q: I am a 25-year-old woman and just started dating a great new guy. My problem is that I am concerned he might be gay. I tend to be more conservative, and although I have slept over, I banned anything below the belt. He “petted” me over the underwear, and then I did the same to him. I also went under his underwear and rubbed my hand around his penis without actually touching it. When I have done this to other guys, they tended to go crazy — writhing, panting and begging. But this elicited no reaction from him, though he was already hard. Am I reading too much into this? I know everyone is different, but something about this threw me off. I would like to think that this is the 21st century, and if he were gay, he would just be gay, but I know that’s not always true. Is there any way I can figure this out? —Guessing About Yearnings

 

A: How on earth do you stick your hand in a guy’s underpants — how do you go under a guy’s underwear — without actually touching the guy’s cock? Anyway, your new boyfriend did have a physical reaction when you were fooling around: His dick got hard. He didn’t have the same over-the-top reaction to your bizarre moves that other guys had in the past, GAY, but getting an erection when a girl sticks her hand in your underpants is a pretty good indication that a guy isn’t gay. It’s also possible that he wanted to pant, writhe and beg, but he restrained himself because you had banned “anything below the belt” and your great new boyfriend didn’t want you to feel pressured to go further than you were comfortable with.

 

Q: My wonderful boyfriend and I have been in a monogamish relationship for five years. We’re both GGG, and we have had a few threesomes involving women, a fantasy both of us shared. My biggest fantasy, however, is to be with two men. I’ve brought it up with my BF, but he just doesn’t find men attractive and isn’t into it. Now a former fling of mine (male) told me that he finds my BF attractive and would love to be with both of us. The two sexiest men I’ve ever known together with me would be an absolute wet dream come true! I feel like my BF is a little nervous about being with another man because a) he has performance anxiety and b) he’s not comfortable exploring his sexuality (he grew up in a small town and was teased a lot about being gay because he was in theater). If he could get past his insecurities, I feel like he might enjoy himself. Should I just give up this dream?Wishes He Were A Little Bi

 

A: Your boyfriend isn’t bi, WHWALB, he’s not even heteroflexible, and he’s made it clear that he’s turned off by the idea of a threesome with another male. Even if you could talk him into it, arranging a threesome with a dude who has expressed a sexual interest in your boyfriend would be disrespectful and potentially disastrous. Drop it.

Dan speaks with New York Times columnist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz on the true demographics of gays in the US: savagelovecast.com.

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