Poop-gasms? Spooch? This and more in a particularly graphic edition of Savage Love.
Published: March 3, 2014
On to your questions …
Logistics: Your stepson faces the toilet seat as he would when he pees and has himself a wank. He thinks he’s destroying the evidence when he flushes, SPANKS, but he’s obviously missing the drop or two that land on the toilet seat. Teenage boys are not famous for their attention to detail or for cleaning up after themselves. Replacing your white toilet seat with a black one might help your stepson notice that flushing isn’t enough.
Telling him to clean up after himself: Your stepson’s father should have a talk with him. “You’re making a mess of the toilet seat,” his dad should say. “Put the seat up and wipe it off when you’re through.” If your stepson protests that he’s careful when he pees, his dad should tell him that he’s not talking about piss. That poor kid will be so mortified that he’ll blow loads out the window before he masturbates in the bathroom again.
Q: I need your help. I’m a 26-year-old straight girl and I’ve been dating this great guy for a few months. Our sex life is really satisfying, fun and adventurous, due in no small part to the fact that he has a lot of kinks. He has a thing for scat, though, and that has thrown me for a loop. He doesn’t expect me to engage in poop play, but I know he watches this kind of porn sometimes and it freaks me out. Would you break up with someone due to one extremely squicky kink? —So Not Into Poop
A: I would and I have.
Important note: A lowly, officious, and quite-pleased-with-herself copy editor has gleefully informed me that Urban Dictionary defines “spooch” as “semen” or “a man’s climax.” While I have the utmost respect for the modern-day Samuel Johnsons at Urban Dictionary, I refuse to acknowledge “spooch” as a synonym for semen or the male climax.
On the Lovecast, Dan speaks with the Perverted Negress about meeting polite kinksters online: savagelovecast.com.
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