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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Q:

 I recently discovered that my 14-year-old stepson, who lives with us full-time, has been stealing, wearing, soiling and hiding his toddler sister’s pull-ups. I’ve found them after he hides them in his closet, which also serves as a general storage area. After discussions with him, I’m certain that wearing them is a pleasure thing for him. (He says “curiosity,” but this has been going on so long that he knows what it feels like.) He has even stolen some of the neighbor girl’s doll diapers to wear and soil. We’ve told him he has to stop stealing diapers — from our neighbor, because stealing is wrong, and from us, because these things are flippin’ expensive. We are pretty grossed out by it, despite being pretty open-minded people. I may be more grossed out by the prospect of piles of dirty diapers hidden somewhere in the house, but the thought of purposely peeing your pants isn’t pleasant either. I believe we have a fetish growing here, and I don’t think a parent needs to be involved in it, but he’s stinking up the joint. —Parent Is Seriously Stumped

A:

 Is your stepson a diaper perv? Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t.

“This may only be a case of ‘curiosity,’ just as his stepson says,” says Jesse Bering, Ph.D., a research psychologist and science writer who regularly contributes to Slate, Scientific American, and other publications. “Young teenagers can’t express their overwhelming urges easily. We provide no ‘socially appropriate’ sexual outlets for 14-year-olds, masturbation aside — which, let’s face it, can get monotonous. So his stepson may simply be exploring the available materials that he, ahem, comes across.”

Bering, who just finished his second book about human sexuality (Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us), remembers doing some pretty freaky stuff himself at age 14.

“I recall some exciting moments involving peeing in the bathroom sink,” Bering says. “It’s hard for me to get into the head of that lascivious kid I once was. The idea of pissing in the sink with an erection while looking at myself buck naked in the mirror isn’t particularly arousing to me these days.”

Since it’s share time in group: I remember stealing panty hose when I was 14 — I’ve never told anyone about this — and I enjoyed some exciting moments looking in a mirror while wearing them. Just as Bering didn’t grow up to be a pee-in-the-sink fetishist, I didn’t grow up to be a panty-hose-in-the-mirror fetishist; that said …

“Even if it turns out the stepson is really into diapers, it’s a pretty harmless fetish,” Bering says. “As with any paraphilia, it would be next to impossible to ‘cure,’ even at his young age. It’s just something he’ll need to learn how to handle responsibly. You may be grossed out and, yes, a festering pile of discarded diapers stuffed under his bed would be a sanitary problem, but never underestimate the power of a frank conversation grounded in truly unconditional love.”

Start that frank conversation by reassuring your stepson that you love him. Tell him that most humans are a little bit perverted — that’s what Bering’s new book is about — but our kinks are private, and you’re only talking to him about his thing for diapers because he hasn’t been very successful at keeping it private. Then cut him a deal: If he makes an effort to discreetly dispose of any diapers he soils, you won’t go looking for them and you’ll keep your mouth shut if you find one or two in the bottom of the trash bin out back.

Q:

 I’m a 19-year-old male college student. I lost two and a half fingers on my right hand in an accident when I was 13. I am otherwise good-looking and in shape — but what does that matter? A counselor once told me, “A true lady of class will love you for who you are.” I have never wanted to punch someone so hard. Bullshit. I don’t want to listen to politically correct “feel-good” crap. I’m disfigured, not stupid. Children fear me! And what sort of woman would look at me with desire when whole men can be found everywhere? Don’t tell me to go to counseling. I go to counseling. Do not give me the link to some useless “support” group’s website. What is there to do? How could I possibly approach a woman with confidence? —Don’t Insult My Intelligence

A:

 Here’s something you can do: Get the fuck over yourself.

I know that’s harsh, DIMI, but I’m thinking harsh is what you came to me for. If it isn’t — if what you wanted was more ladies-of-class bullshit with a side of warm and syrupy sympathy — then you might wanna skip the rest of my response.

Look, motherfucker, there are people out there with missing limbs, who were badly burned in fires, with disfiguring birth defects. One day volunteering in a burn ward or at Walter Reed might help you put your mangled hand in some sort of perspective;it could be worse.

And burn victims and people with missing limbs and people with birth defects? Lots and lots of them are out there dating and getting laid and finding partners despite the cruel looks they sometimes get from thoughtless children.

Yes, some women will be turned off by your right hand and that sucks. But some won’t care. And while there might be one or two women out there who’ll find you more attractive as a result of your accident — I’ve never received a letter from a woman with a fetish for missing fingers, but I’ll doubtless hear from at least one after your letter runs — I can tell you this for sure: No one is attracted to a person who is paralyzed by self-pity.

Each and every one of us moves through life covered with scars, DIMI, some more visible than others. Life has a way of carving chunks out of all of us — literal chunks in some cases. All we can do is make the best of what we have or what we have left.

So get the fuck over yourself, get the fuck out of the house and go meet women. If you’re worried that your right hand is the first thing a woman notices, get a prosthesis made or wear a glove. And while you may be tempted to blame your right hand for your lack of romantic success, DIMI, remember that very few people your age — people with 10 intact fingers — have met with much romantic success.

I’m sorry about your accident, DIMI, I really am. Good luck.

On this week’s Savage Lovecast: Dan Savage chats with OKCupid co-founder Christian Rudder about strategies in online dating, at savagelovecast.com.

Find Dan Savage’s weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Reach him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter.

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Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
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