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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

No Problem

Letters from people who don’t really have problems.

Photo: Wiki Commons, License: N/A

Wiki Commons


Dear readers: Last week was made of problems. The bombing of the Boston Marathon, the explosion that leveled a small town in Texas, the rising tide of antigay violence in France, the North Koreans being North Korean. And when I sat down to write this week’s column — while the manhunt was still under way for the second bomber in Boston — it occurred to me that the last thing the world needs right now is more problems. So instead of the usual sex problems, STI problems, CPOS problems and DTMFA problems, this week I’m only running letters from people who don’t really have problems. Because we could all use a break.

 

Q:

 No problem here. I’m a straight 36-year-old guy. My wife has always been great about indulging my kinks — some femdom role play, lots of OTK spankings, rare D/s three-ways — so when she announced at age 34 that she had a kink of her own, I regarded it as my mission to make it happen. We just got back from a trip to see a safe and trustworthy friend in Los Angeles who “paid” me to have sex with my wife. (He put 20 $100 bills on the bar at the hotel, but it was money that I had given him.) My wife was so turned on, but she was also grateful. When it was over, she kept saying how much she loved me for being the person who made her paid-for-sex fantasy come true. People who stand in the way of their partner’s fantasies don’t realize what they’re depriving themselves of — so much love and gratitude! —Her Sub Pimp

 

A:

 Thanks for sharing, HSP!

 

 

 

Q:

 I just started dating a guy who seems perfect in almost every way. (I’m a guy too.) He’s cute, fun, charming, smart and successful. There’s only one thing that’s bugging me. He has a super-furry ass crack. The funny thing is, I can tell he trims the hair on his legs with the longest guard on the trimmer. All he’d have to do is keep going up onto his ass and into his crack. Yes, I know some guys find a furry crack to be a big turn-on. I am not one of them. We’ve been on four dates, and actually gotten fully naked only once, so it’s not like I feel so totally comfortable with him that I can just come out and say it… —Really Into Men Smooth

 

A:

 Your letter reminds me of a funny conversation I overheard at the gym:

Guy 1: “You should grow a goatee — it would feel great when you rim me.”

Guy 2: “I have a goatee when I rim you.”

Sounds like you have a beard when you rim your new boyfriend, RIMS, and I would advise you to get used to bearded rimming for the time being. You’re only four dates and one fully naked Big Gay Sex Romp into this new relationship, RIMS, which is too soon to start asking for body mods. But once you hit, oh, 20 dates and a dozen Big Gay Sex Romps, I think you could offer to give him a hand with those clippers.

 

Q:

 Whenever this female college student studies, she gets incredibly horny! At peak times during the semester, when I am constantly reading or studying, I find it almost impossible to go more than a couple of hours without having to masturbate. The more aroused I get, the less focused I am, so denying the feeling is not a solution in my experience. But there are definitely times when my productivity is negatively affected by my need to relieve myself. I have an active sex life! I am not bored sexually or mentally! Is there a physiological explanation for this? —Lady Hits The Books

 

A:

 Some people are turned on by completely random shit, LHTB, and no one quite knows why. Probably something to do with our big brains — I mean, just think of all those billions of nerve endings, all those synapses making connections, all those formative childhood experiences that get all synapsed up and become adult erotic obsessions. Think of all that and then count your lucky stars that studying turns you on. If there were a way to bottle and sell your kink, LHTB, no one would ever need to take Adderall again.

 

Q:

 I’m a 19-year-old newbie lesbian Dom starting a relationship with a smart, sexy, wildly kinky 22-year-old. We share a lot of fetishes and our relationship so far could not be better. One issue: She’s very, very into latex clothes. I have a severe allergy, to the point where I would probably need to be hospitalized if she wore latex clothing. I want to work around this; she’s been GGG about anal, which was something I wanted to explore. She did that for me, and I want to do this for her. Is there a good alternative to latex? —Thanks In Advance

 

A:

 There’s no working around an allergy so severe it can land you in the hospital — and with everything else you two have going for you, TIA, forgoing latex is the price of admission your new girlfriend should be willing to pay.

 

Q:

 No question here, just a thank-you. Last week, my 16-year-old son told me that he has a crush on his best friend … who just so happens to be a 16-year-old boy. I’ve known he was gay since he was about 4, but without your column, I don’t think I would’ve been prepared for his “revelation.” You and your readers taught me the importance of letting him know that I will always accept him, love him and support him in any decision he makes. The best part: He wasn’t really worried about telling me he’s gay; he was worried that I wouldn’t let his crush spend the night anymore. (And he was right to worry!) —Proud Mom

 

A:

 After reading that you intend to “support [your son] in any decision he makes,” I started to compose a mildly scolding response in my head. (“Why would you do that? Gay kids, like straight kids, need their parents to be their parents. Your son needs you to meddle lovingly, to criticize constructively, and to help him pull his big gay head out of his big gay ass when it needs pulling. And it will, PM, because gay kids make bad decisions too.”) But you made it clear at the end of your letter — he was right to worry about those sleepovers being over — that you aren’t confusing “support my gay son” with “sign off on any damn thing my gay son wants.” Well done, PM!

 

Q:

 I am an 18-year-old British queer girl who was recently involved with an older woman while visiting the United States. She told me about your “campsite rule,” and she followed it to the letter and was generally wonderful. I’ve since moved back to London and told everyone I know about your column. As a result, there’s a small group of teens running around North London that adores you. I hope we can spread your excellent advice and make as many people as possible into GGG partners.—CC

 

A:

 Thanks for the lovely note, CC, and tell the older woman I said thanks — for honoring the campsite rule and for helping to build my readership in the UK by turning you on to my column.

 

Find Dan Savage’s weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Reach him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter.

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We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
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