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  • Detroit website offers stats, updates on city operations

    Interested in reading about what Detroit accomplishes on a week-to-week basis that’s produced by the city itself? Great. You can do that now, here, at the Detroit Dashboard. Every Thursday morning, the city will publish an update to the dashboard because Mayor Mike Duggan loves metrics, even if the data might be hard to come by. According to Duggan’s office, the dashboard will provide data on how many LED street lights were installed, how many vacant lots were mowed, how much blight was removed, and more. This week, the city says it has sold 13 site lots through BuildingDetroit.com, removed 570 tons of illegal dumping, and filed 57 lawsuits against abandoned property owners.  

    The post Detroit website offers stats, updates on city operations appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Long John Silver’s makes nod to Nancy Whiskey in YouTube commercial

    We don’t know about you, but usually Nancy Whiskey and Long John Silver’s aren’t two concepts we’d place in the same sentence. However, the international fast food fish fry conglomerate made a nod to the Detroit dive in their latest YouTube commercial. LJS is offering free fish fries on Saturday, August 2, which is the promotion the commercial is attempting to deliver. But, we think we’ll just go to Nancy Whiskey instead.

    The post Long John Silver’s makes nod to Nancy Whiskey in YouTube commercial appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Michigan’s women-only music fest still shuns transwomen

    We came across an interesting item this week: Apparently, a music festival with the name “Michfest” is quietly oriented as a “Women-Only Festival Exclusively for ‘Women Born Women.’” It seems a strange decision to us. If you wanted to have a women-only music festival, why not simply proclaim loud and clear that it is for all sorts of women? But if you really wanted to become a lightning rod for criticisms about transphobia, organizers have found the perfect way to present their festival. Now, we know that defenders of non-cisgender folks have it tough. The strides made by gays and lesbians (and bisexuals) in the last 20 years have been decisive and dramatic. But the people who put the ‘T’ in LGBT have reason to be especially defensive, facing a hostile culture and even some disdain from people who should be their natural allies. That said, sometimes that defensiveness can cause some activists to go overboard; when we interviewed Dan Savage a couple years ago, he recalled his “glitter bombing” and said it was due to the “the narcissism of small differences,” adding that “if you’re playing the game of who is the most victimized, attacking your real enemies doesn’t prove you’re most victimized, claiming you […]

    The post Michigan’s women-only music fest still shuns transwomen appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Use this widget to find your polling place for Aug. 5 primary election

    Reminder: the August 5 primary election is coming up. Where do you vote? What’s on the ballot? All these questions can be easily answered by simply typing the address you are registered to vote at into this handy widget created by Pew Charitable Trusts and Google: You can embed this widget on your own website with the following code, and more information can be found at the Voting Info Project.: <script type=”text/javascript” src=”https://voter-info-tool.appspot.com/js/loader.js”></script> <div id=”_vit”></div> <script type=”text/javascript”>vit.load({‘election_id’:’4034′, ‘suppress_voter_id_rules’: true});</script> Read up on MT‘s election guide for Wayne county executive here.

    The post Use this widget to find your polling place for Aug. 5 primary election appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Thank you, Detroit

    I’m not going to lie to you – this isn’t easy. This week, the final City Slang local music column will be published in the Metro Times (on hardcore band Final Assault), and I have just submitted a cover feature on the women of Detroit hip-hop, to be published next week (8/6). This blog that you’re reading now will be my last one as a regular MT contributor. I have a lot to look forward to. I’m going to be an associate editor at Yellow Scene Magazine in Colorado, a tremendous publication in a beautiful part of the country. But leaving Detroit will be incredibly difficult for me. I love the place. It’s been (amazingly) six and a half years since I arrived, a couple of cases in hand and not much of a plan in mind. I just knew, after three separate research trips for books and a magazine article, that I felt at home here. Metro Times offered me freelance work almost immediately, as did a new website called Metromix (whatever happened to that?) When I arrived here, I had been working as a writer in the UK for nine years, but the help and encouragement I received […]

    The post Thank you, Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Christmas in July, Jack White, and the Tigers

      We here at MT will be delighted when Mr. Jack White throws out a pitch at Navin Field (at least, we hope he will), but until then, we’ll be happy with his pitch to Santa this evening at Comerica Park.    

    The post Christmas in July, Jack White, and the Tigers appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

More advice on dominatrixes, snooping, and oral

Over and domme

Photo: Illustration by Lee DeVito., License: N/A

Illustration by Lee DeVito.


Q: I am a straight female who was a dominatrix for a while — and out of all the jobs I’ve had, I loved it the most. Working as a secretary — one with a master’s in writing — wasn’t that hard to beat, I guess. But professional dommes aren’t immune to workplace romances, and I fell in love with a client. Long story short, we are still together after a year-and-a-half, after I closed my practice and sold (most of) my toys because he didn’t want to be with a woman who was still practicing this kind of physical intimacy with others. Fair enough. But the list has grown longer. His jealousy flared when I told him that I went to lunch with a male friend that I’d played with before, and again when he found an old picture on my computer of me blowing my ex (snooping sucks when someone’s not mature enough to handle what they find). But the latest and most bitter pill is that he no longer wants me to write anything about my experiences — not because it might cause professional fallout if people knew about him dating a former pro domme (notwithstanding the fact that he was a client once), but because he doesn’t want me to think about the experiences I’ve had. Fuck, Dan, I love this guy, but “retiring” has never been so hard and so scary. I honestly miss the sex-positive community and the impact (ha) I had on people who decided — for whatever reason — to pay a professional to share this creative, spiritual, eros-infused intimacy with them, if only for a few hours every month or so. It seemed like I needed to give that up to have a marriage and family, which, as I get into the later half of my 30s, seems like I better get going on if I want this to happen. DTMFA, I know, but why has it been so hard to do this time? —Despairing Over My Man’s Expectations

A: “DOMME’s letter struck a chord with me, because I was once in a relationship with a guy who did very similar things,” says Mistress Matisse, a professional dominatrix, writer, and sex-worker-rights activist. “He knew exactly who I was when we started the relationship — just like DOMME’s guy did — and he said it was fine. But once I got emotionally invested, that all changed. He tried to control me by making me feel insecure, like I was a flawed person and my only chance for a relationship was him — who else would be willing to be with an (ick) sex worker? As dumb as it sounds now, I think part of what blinded me to what he was doing was the fact that I was a dominatrix! Surely a dominant woman could not be in an abusive relationship, right? Wrong. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did.”

And that’s exactly what Matisse thinks you need to do: DTFMA, DOMME. But Matisse isn’t telling you anything you don’t already know. So why is it so hard?

“It’s ‘so hard’ because she’s in a relationship with an abusive, controlling man who’s been systematically tearing down her confidence and her sense of self for a year-and-a-half,” Matisse says. “He’s made her give up things that were positive and meaningful to her, he gets angry when she sees her friends, and now he’s trying tell her what she’s allowed to think? This flaming hypocrite isn’t just chipping away at her self-esteem, he’s going after it with a jackhammer!”

Matisse doesn’t want you giving your boyfriend a second chance, DOMME, and neither do I. His controlling, slut-shaming behavior is simply unforgivable.

“DOMME’s boyfriend is leveraging all the power of a sex-negative world to make her think she has to give up all of who she is, her past and her future — even her own mind — to be in this relationship. Leave him. She shouldn’t agree to talk it over, or try to understand his feelings, or work out a compromise.” He might pretend to make some bargain with her, like telling her that if she married him, or had a child with him, then he would possibly feel OK about her writing about her own life. Don’t fall for this,” says Matisse. “Her thinking about, writing about, or even being a dominatrix is not the problem. He is the problem. If DOMME sticks around, she’ll just be giving her boyfriend a chance to do more damage than he already has. She should leave and not look back — and she should spend some time with a therapist. This guy has planted so much poison in her head, more than she can even see right now. She needs to dig it all out, so she can move on to a happy relationship with a man who loves her exactly as she is. And trust me, DOMME, those guys are out there.”

Follow Mistress Matisse on Twitter @mistressmatisse.

Q: I’m a straight guy, and my girlfriend just read my journal. I’d written some pretty harsh things in there about her. But despite my questions about our relationship, I really do want to see whether we can work through our issues. I believe that we have a strong connection despite having very different personalities. Although I wrote some very harsh things about her personality, I don’t question the strength of our bond. I feel guilty that she saw some of the things I wrote, but I am also angry that she read my journal. What do I say to her? —Stupid Conflict About Reading Entire Diary

A: “Good-bye.” She invaded your privacy, SCARED, which was bad enough. But if you were so stupid as to put “Things That Cannot Be Unsaid” into writing — now “Things That Cannot Be Unread” — then I don’t see how this relationship can be salvaged.

Q: I’m a big fan! (I am also not a native English speaker, so my letter may sound a bit too formal.) I’m a straight girl with a question regarding oral sex. My boyfriend wants to come in my mouth. I can deal with the taste, but in order to climax, my boyfriend needs to pump his penis very fast. He needs to do this at a speed I can’t match even with my hands. This fact makes it very hard to contain his dick in my mouth. He also thrusts, which makes me feel choked, and I pull away. Is there something fixable here or is this simply a question of “what he needs to do to come” and I consequently have to learn to deal with it? I hope this question doesn’t sound too silly. I’m not very experienced! —No Signature For Wonderer

A: Your question isn’t silly, NSFW, and I’m happy to answer it for you.

Most men need to thrust during oral to come — if oral isn’t foreplay before thrust-based vaginal or anal penetration — and that thrusting action can present problems for even the most enthusiastic and experienced cocksucker. The solution: Shorten your boyfriend’s cock by wrapping a fist (or two) around the base of his shaft, and let him thrust through your wet fist(s) and into your mouth. Since your fist(s) can grip his dick firmly, NSFW, you can relax your mouth a bit — you don’t need to maintain a suction seal during this stage of the blowjob. You relax your mouth and jaw, your boyfriend thrusts in and out, his cock won’t go all the way to the back of your throat (so no choking), and your clenched fist(s) provide(s) the necessary friction and pressure to get him off.

Find the Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at savagelovecast.com.

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