I'm Morbidly Obese And Never Dated
Published: December 30, 2013
A: Just one, NOTFEM: Get over yourself.
Watching a man wring his hands about his fragile manliness — watching a man dissolve into a puddle of insecurity — hardly makes him seem more masculine. (And it doesn’t make him seem more feminine. It just makes him look ridiculous.) And 20 pounds of muscle do not “make the man,” any more than being the tosser as opposed to the tossee does. Being comfortable in your own skin makes you a man. No, scratch that. Being comfortable in your own skin makes you a person — a decent, tolerable, secure and attractive person. (And a man who’s passive in bed is still a man! Christ!)
If your boyfriend says something that annoys you (“You’re the woman!”), tell him to knock it off. But your boyfriend could be “joking” about you being the passive one because he prefers it that way. If he would rather be the tosser, NOTFEM, you’ll need to either find a different boyfriend or stop grounding your sense of masculinity in something so arbitrary as a game of who-tossed-who-farther and who-can-bench-press-what. mt
Jolene Parton burns up Twitter @jolenestarshine. Dr. Leah Torres regularly posts about women’s health issues and smacks down antichoice trolls on Twitter @LeahNTorres and blogs at Leahtorres.com.
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