Gerbiling isn't a thing
Published: March 20, 2013
But you don’t have to take my word for it: I have proof. If gay men and Richard Gere stuffed gerbils in their butts, well, then the pet stores that serve the gay and Richard Gere communities would stock gerbils, right? I mean, everything else that a perverse gay man needs is available in your average gay neighborhood, from poppers to butt plugs to bullwhips to sofa sectionals. So if we stuff gerbils up our butts, then pet stores in, say, California must do a bang-up gerbil business.
But guess what? In San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood, gay ground zero, the pet store Petpourri, “where professionals answer your every question,” sells only pet supplies — no gerbils —and they don’t stock cardboard paper-towel tubes or pliers, either. Animal Farm in West Hollywood, also a very gay place, sells only dogs and cats (which wouldn’t fit up anyone’s butt, not even Richard Gere’s). And guess what I learned while looking into this? Not only do pet stores in California not sell gerbils, but it’s actually illegal for them to do so.
According to Marshall Meyers, an attorney at the Pet Industry Joint Advisory Council in Washington, D.C.: “California law prohibits the sale of gerbils because of desert conditions in that state. Gerbils were once a desert mammal, and the state was concerned that gerbils could escape and establish themselves in the wild. It is a form of animal control.” It’s not because gay men stick them in their asses? “No, it’s strictly an ecosystem issue.”
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