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Savage Love

Poly on the downlow

Should we tell my wife's crazy religious parents about our live-in girlfriend?

By Dan Savage

Published: November 3, 2010

A: I'm thinking either it's guilt plus performance anxiety — guilt-induced performance anxiety — or it's a huge and highly unlikely coincidence. A medical checkup can rule out the latter, NCSO, but only a thorough examination of your feelings, your motives and your circumstances can help the former.

You've taken a huge and potentially very consequential step: You're gonna cheat on the wife (three attempts? you're already cheating on the wife), NCSO, and if the wife finds out — and that's a pretty small if — that could mean divorce. (It shouldn't mean divorce, in my opinion, but it usually does.) Seeing as the potential consequences for you, your wife and your kids are so dire that you've been struck bonerless, I would advise you to stop seeing the patient girl ... for now.

You're going to have to — sorry! — talk to the wife about your frustrations and the possibility of opening up your marriage. Because the only way your dick is going to work with other women, NCSO, is if you're not risking everything with it.

Find the Savage Lovecast (Dan Savage's weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

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