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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

One for the ladies

Female readers ask about their equipment issues

Q: I am 50 and a lesbian. I have had a pretty active sex life for the last 30 years, including a couple of long-term relationships. For the last three years, I've been with a woman I love very much. We have amazing sexual chemistry — by far the best I have experienced.

For the last two years, I have noticed that my clitoris is getting bigger. Not trans-man-takes-testosterone big, but substantially bigger than it has ever been. I thought it was due to a big increase in sexual excitement, but it soon became clear that the enlargement was a permanent thing. It gets much more erect than it used to and often throbs or twitches after I come.

No one's complaining. I am enjoying the heightened sexual arousal, and my girlfriend (who is very GGG) is thrilled. But why and how is this happening? Could it get even bigger? And why now? I hit menopause seven years ago, so it's not some weird hormone surge. Could our sexual connection have caused this all by itself? I don't really want to ask my gynecologist, though I did notice her checking out my equipment with wide eyes at my last checkup. —Stiffie Needs A Zipcode

A:"I always like to hear from people who are satisfied with their sex lives and relationships," says author, sex researcher, vulva-puppeteer and archrival sex-advice columnist Debby Herbenick, and I have to agree. Most of our mail comes from people who are unhappy with their sex lives, dissatisfied with their relationships, or both. It's always nice to hear from folks who are having fun.

What's not so nice is that we sometimes have to tell happy-and-satisfied folks that something may be seriously wrong.

"I would strongly encourage her to ask her gynecologist about her enlarged clitoris," says Herbenick. "She should be very clear about the fact that it has increased in size. She should let her know when she first noticed this and roughly how much she thinks it's increased in size."

If your gynecologist isn't comfortable talking with you about your clit — if she just stands there gaping at it — get a new gynecologist. Because your megaclit could be a symptom of something very, very serious.

"You need your doctor to examine your clit and rule out various medical conditions that could cause hormonal problems," says Herbenick. "Sometimes these are benign health conditions; unfortunately, sometimes they include vulvar cancers, ovarian cancers and adrenal cancers that, for example, may present with symptoms including an enlarged clitoris."

Some women believe their clitorises "grew" after menopause, but that's not usually the case. When estrogen levels drop during menopause, other parts of the vulva — such as the labia — can become flatter or less prominent, which can in turn make the clitoris appear bigger. "However, she's been in menopause for a long time," says Herbenick, "and it sounds like the clitoral change happened well into menopause." And amazing sex does not supersize clits: "High levels of arousal usually result in only a temporary swelling of the clitoris," says Herbenick.

So make another appointment to see your doctor, SNAZ, "and keep asking questions until she's sure that medical conditions, such as cancers, have been ruled out," urges Herbenick.

And, again, if your gynecologist doesn't want to discuss it or was too stupid to spot what could be a symptom of common lady-parts cancers (!), time to get a new gynecologist.


Q:
My husband is beautiful, awesome, etc. Unfortunately, his dick is small. It wasn't so bad our first few years together; he knows how to work what he's got. But then I had a baby, and I tore. A few days later, my stitches tore. My six-week checkup turned out to be a poke in the stomach to confirm that my uterus was back in place, and when I asked why I couldn't get restitched, the doctor told me, "Vaginas are very forgiving." But a year later, Kegels aren't helping and both of us are having trouble getting off.

He enjoys anal sex, but it's not really fulfilling for me. I want to get a vaginoplasty to fit him, but I'll have to wait till we've saved up enough money to pay for it. Please, Dan, tell me how to have hotter sex with a small dick and a shredded kitty. —Unforgiving

A: "Many women who have had multiple or traumatic births — and it sounds like she had a good deal of tearing — have some degree of prolapse," says Herbenick. (A uterine prolapse, says the Wiki, "occurs when the female pelvic organs fall from their normal position, into or through the vagina.")

"If she did have prolapse," says Herbenick, "she may be a candidate for anterior or posterior vaginal wall repair, which is quite similar to vaginal 'rejuvenation' surgeries, and then insurance may cover the surgery.

"Some people will wildly disagree with me and say that women shouldn't have surgery 'to please their man,' but I don't see that here," Herbenick adds. "I see two people who are married and want better sex, and she may have experienced some physical changes that have affected that. And there are ways to fix it."

Debby Herbenick is the associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, a book that I strongly recommend even though Debby once attacked me with a vulva puppet in a room full of people.


Q:
I live in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Grange, a local restaurant, has a cocktail called "GGGinger." Is it possible for a cocktail to be GGG? And how does it feel to have inspired one? —Curious Cocktail Connection

A: A cocktail can't be GGG, CCC, but a couple of cocktails — enough to take the edge off inhibitions, not so much to make consent unpossible — can induce GGG. And, I'm saddened to report, the GGGinger's Gs refer to three of the gin-based cocktail's ingredients — ginger beer, candied ginger and ginger syrup — and not to the Savage Love meme "good, giving and game." Still, Grange co-owner Brandon Johns is confident that his GGGingers have inspired GGG behavior all over Ann Arbor.

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