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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

Monogamish?

Who knows what open relationships lurk beneath a front of respectability

Q:

 You probably get this question every day. I'm a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she's pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting female ejaculate in your ass? I am thinking about modifying a toy in a way that might enable her to squirt up my ass. It probably won't work, but I am going to try. Because if it does work ... —Oh My Fucking God


A:

 I get questions about female ejaculation every day — where does that shit come from? How the hell can I (or my girlfriend) learn to do that shit? Is that shit really piss? — but you're the first person to ask me about modifying a sex toy so as to enable a woman to come in a man's ass. (You're going to want to patent that thing if it works, OMFG.)

Allow me to quickly dispense with the usual questions: It comes shooting out of a woman's urethra; practice, practice, practice; that shit isn't piss. How do we know it's not piss? Science!

In 2007, a crack team of sex researchers in Vienna "collected" lady ejaculate from two lady ejaculators — not a huge sample, admittedly, but two lady ejaculators are better than none — and rushed their lady ejaculate to the lab, where it was "evaluated biochemically." They published the results of their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine ("The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate," JSM, September 2007). They concluded that lady ejaculate isn't piss, it's come: "The fluid emitted were clearly different than urine voided prior to sexual activity," they wrote. "The values show that the source of fluid expulsion during orgasm is not urine, but is rather similar to male ejaculate."

As lady ejaculate is chemically similar to gentleman ejaculate, OMFG, the risks of a lady ejaculating in your ass would presumably be similar to the risks of a gentleman ejaculating in your ass: You would be at risk of acquiring any sexually transmitted infection she might have. But if your lady ejaculator is disease-free, OMFG, then letting her come in your ass is a risk-free, if not squick-free, activity.


Q:

 I'm a 24-year-old female living in London, where I have just finished a degree in circus arts. I'm in a relationship with a great guy. The problem is that while I have had long- and short-term relationships before, he hasn't, and he can be very emotionally needy. For example, he cannot and will not sleep without me in the bed. We've been together for 10 months, and he often tells me that I'm everything in his life. I've told him that under no circumstances is this normal, and I've confirmed my right to have a life outside of him. The real crux of the situation is this: I worked on and off as a stripper in a high-end club for two years. I haven't done it while with him because of the physical demands of my degree. Now I'm done and broke and want to return to this work. This is an issue for him, as you can imagine. I won't compromise: The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn't orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.

I don't know how to handle this issue: He knew this about me when we met and says he hoped it wouldn't carry on. I feel upset that he hasn't accepted the whole of me and I guess part of me wonders if I'm in the wrong relationship. I love this man, but I feel trapped. —Clown College Graduate


A:

 Inexperience might explain extreme emotional neediness, CCG, but it's no excuse. It's just as likely that your boyfriend's clingy, manipulative shtick — he just can't sleep alone, you're his everything, if you go back to a job you loved before you loved him, well, he'll be vewy sad — looks to me like controlling, emotionally abusive behavior in pathetic sad-clown drag.

But you like him, CCG, so let's give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Tell your boyfriend that you're going back to your old job and he has a choice to make: Get over it or get over you.

If he sucks it up and makes an effort to change, he was just an insecure little douche bag and, hey, you helped him get over it! If he doubles down on the whining and clinging, then he's a controlling dick and you're well rid of him.


Q:

 A quick comment on monogamy: I agree with you on the point that we tend to assume that all the other couples we know are in monogamous relationships, when in reality many are not. Recently, my mom told me that she wouldn't mind if my father had an affair. Sex has become harder for her since menopause, and she doesn't consider it the be-all and end-all of a marriage.

I've been married for a year, with several years of dating before that, and sex and arousal can be difficult for me, and I have a lower libido than my husband. I'm not complaining — my husband is a wonderful lover and has been good about taking things at the right pace for me. And when the sex works, it's amazing. One thing that really takes the pressure off me, though, is that we agreed long before marriage that faithfulness for us meant honesty, not exclusivity. My husband knows that if he wants to fool around, he can — so long as he's safe and honest (with me and with her). The same goes for me.

Does my marriage, or my parents' marriage, count as monogamous? We look monogamous and probably will always look that way — and at the moment, we all are. But we've agreed that strict monogamy isn't a requirement. Since I doubt that we're alone in this attitude, you can add this group of "theoretical nonmonogamists" to the list of people who get wrongly classed by your critics as totally monogamous out of a lack of imagination and knowledge about other people's lives. —Invisible In Canada

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