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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

Macho dramas?

To come or not to come? These are the questions

Q: I'm a 21-year-old woman with bi-curious tendencies who's been in a committed relationship for four years. He's sweet and kind. We share a lot of interests and get along very well. Thing is, I don't know if I'm meant to be in a committed relationship. For the past year and a half, I've been thinking about what things would be like with another man. I also frequently imagine what it might be like to sleep with another girl. In fact, whenever I'm masturbating, I get more excited by lesbian scenarios than straight scenarios — although I've never been able to come. I've never experienced an orgasm. But that's another can of worms.

The main problem is this: I find myself steadily losing interest in my current partner. I find myself fantasizing about having sex with other men and other women. I'm open to the possibility of a threesome, but my boyfriend isn't. He's completely against the idea. From the start, I've never hidden the fact that I've never reached orgasm, and he's never created any macho drama about that.

I've slowly come to the realization that I'm no longer sexually attracted to my boyfriend. I don't have the motivation to improve our sex life anymore. I just go through the motions. At the same time, my boyfriend remains my best friend and I'm not willing to give up my best friend over sex. I want to keep him in my life, as he is my most important source of emotional support.

If you, as an "impartial" observer, could help me out, I'd really appreciate it. —Have My Cake

A: You can have your current boyfriend, HMC, at the price of a lousy and uninspired sex life with a guy who doesn't give a shit about your pleasure — excuse me, a partner who hasn't created a lot of "macho drama" about the fact that you've never had an orgasm and isn't interested in helping you realize your fantasies — or you can find a new boyfriend or girlfriend and perhaps discover that orgasms are easier to come by when you're with someone who 1) turns you on and 2) gives a shit about your pleasure and 3) hasn't come to symbolize the death of sexual possibility.

Giving up the current boyfriend means you'll have to find a new emotional tampon — excuse me, a new "source of emotional support" — but that's a price that you should be willing to pay, HMC, particularly at your age.

And if you don't want to find yourself boyfriendless and bestfriendless ever again, HMC, in the future keep those roles separate.


Q:
I'm a 26-year-old heterosexual male in a relationship with a 25-year-old female. I'm her first boyfriend. She's never had an orgasm that wasn't self-induced. I've asked her multiple times what I can do to try to get her off, but she doesn't really have anything to tell me. There's a lot of trial and error going on. I feel like I'm kind of flying blind. Help please? —This Question Again

A: If she can get herself off, TQA, then she should be able to get herself off while you assist. Let her get herself off while you watch, while you hold her, while you suck on her tits, while she sits on your face. Gradually work your way up to her getting herself off while you're inside her.

Don't make the "macho drama" mistake of viewing the orgasms she self-induces while you're there as somehow deficient or dysfunctional. The more you can relax and enjoy the orgasms she's self-inducing now — the more you can both relax and enjoy them — the sooner she'll be able to relax, enjoy, and, perhaps, transition to orgasms induced by someone else — or someone else's dick.

If you want that someone else (or someone else's dick) to be you (or yours), TQA, then don't be an impatient, insecure, macho drama queen about the way she's capable of having orgasms now.

Q: I am a woman who is with the love of her life. I enjoy sex immensely but have begun to fake orgasms because it hurts him that he is not making me come. I believe the obstruction is psychological. I am self-conscious about my body and can only come using a vibrator while looking at pictures of women with nice boobs. I fantasize that I am both the woman in possession of these assets and the person lusting after her. I am certain of my sexual orientation: I did quite a bit of experimenting with beautiful women, but they did nothing for me. Any insights? —Breasts On Other Babes

A: Stop faking, BOOB, and start incorporating your vibrator and your fantasies into the sex you're having with the boyfriend. Your boyfriend needs to talk a boob-esteem-building blue streak while you fuck — he needs to tell you how hot your breasts are, how much they turn him on — and you need to use your vibrator on yourself and fantasize aloud about the assets you've got and the assets you lust after while you two are fucking.

You know what works for you, BOOB, you just have to risk sharing it with the love of your life.


Q:
I am an 18-year-old straight girl. I am also a virgin. After my 18th birthday, I bought a small vibrator. I love it — it has completely changed masturbation and I reached orgasm for the first time. However, I'm worried about developing a dependence on it. Should I hold off on using it until I get some real experience? —Teen With A Tech

A: Enjoy your vibrator, TWAT, and enjoy those orgasms — but mix it up. Masturbate with your vibrator and without; see how worked up you can get through fantasy alone; get yourself close to the edge and finish yourself off with your hand; experiment with nonvibrating, inanimate sex toys. And when you start having sexual experiences with nonvibrating, animate sex toys (boys), don't be shy about introducing them — or their genitals — to your vibrator. Dicks are just big clits, TWAT, and vibrators can work wonders on dicks too.


Q:
I am in college and in a super-fantastic relationship. We have fun together and we have great sex. However, he doesn't orgasm when I blow him or give him a hand job. He says he's never been able to come from blow jobs or hand jobs. I don't mind going straight to vaginal intercourse after blowing him for a bit, although I sometimes encourage him to finish himself off and ejaculate in my mouth. It's not like I'm offended; I'd just like to get him there.

I have a tiny mouth and tiny hands — could that be the problem? He says it doesn't have anything to do with me. He just plateaus. How do I solve this problem, Dan? Is our sex life condemned to, God forbid, just vaginal intercourse? —Barely Licking Over Wide Junk Of Boyfriend

A: What's the opposite of macho drama? Vulvo drama?

Look, BLOWJOB, if you're both giving and receiving oral, and giving and receiving hand jobs, then you haven't been "condemned" to "just" vaginal intercourse. You're having all kinds of sex — it's just that he requires something very specific in order to get off. If there are times when you want to mess around without being fucked, or times when you're not up for vaginal intercourse, just get him as close as you can and let him finish himself off with his hand.

Your boyfriend is orgasmic, BLOWJOB — there's no problem here to solve.

Find the Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

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