Savage Love
Let's get together
My old flame wants some lovin’ — and my husband approves — but could I get burned?
Published: December 7, 2011
And remember: There are people out there having vanilla, hetero, missionary intercourse in unhealthy, abusive relationships, HARD. You can explore your sexuality in healthy or unhealthy ways, just like vanilla breeders can explore their sexualities in healthy or unhealthy ways, but you can't escape who you are and what turns you on. So stop beating yourself up, HARD, and go find a nice, kinky guy who takes that responsibility off your hands. (Here's some great advice for gay guys just beginning to explore BDSM: tinyurl.com/bensten.)
Q:
Reading your column made me a supporter of the LGBT community. I get your back in formal political debates and drunken bar discussions. The LGBT community deserves equal rights, just like any other group of citizens. Period. However, I must protest Kate Bornstein's comments in a recent column. She said that sex-positive heterosexuals who support the LBGT community — guys like me and FRAUD — are not "straight" men, but "queer heterosexual" men.
Sometimes it's hard for me to get people who are not gay to support LGBT equality because they're afraid that someone will call their straightness into question. Don't make it harder. —Liberal And Straight
A:
Being a big ol' queer myself, LAS, I viewed Kate's suggestion as a compliment. But your point is well taken, everyone gets to choose his or her own label, and you're straight in my book.
Did you make an "It Gets Better" video? If you identify as LGBT, you're 18 years of age or older, and you made or appeared in an "It Gets Better" video, science — science! — wants to hear from you about your perspectives and experiences. If you have 15 to 20 minutes to spare, please take this survey: z.umn.edu/itgetsbetter.
Are you married? Have you had successful flings, affairs, swinging experiences and three-ways that your friends and family members will never know about? Send me an e-mail, share your story, and I'll publish it in an upcoming column.
> Email Dan Savage
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