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Savage Love

In dreams

Sexual mishaps while sleeping make for mail

By Dan Savage

Published: August 29, 2012

Jesse Bering has a kinder, gentler suggestion.

"In light of this experience, RAPIST may find herself feeling a bit gun-shy about any middle-of-the-night sex initiated by her boyfriend or any future boyfriends," says Bering. "After all, how can she know if he's fully awake and innocently in the mood, or just having another episode? Here's how: She should have an agreement with her boyfriend that, from now on, he will 'flick' his penis a few times for her by clenching his PC (pubococcygeus) muscle on initiating nocturnal sex."

And how will that help?

"Penile flicking is an intentional action," explains Bering, and one that cannot be performed by a sleepfucking sexsomniac at his partner's request. "It's a subtle, conscious signal to assure you that you're not dealing with a lascivious zombie."

For more of Jesse Bering, check out his website www.jessebering.com. You can follow Bering on Twitter @JesseBering.


Q:

 You will no doubt get some flak for your response to the snowboarder who needs a finger up his ass in order to come. He stated that he is so ashamed of this practice that when he's fucking a girl and wants to come, he pushes the woman's face in a pillow to hide it. How could you let that little bit of mini-sadism pass without comment? I hope you will throw a comment in next week's column to acknowledge it. You are normally so thorough in your replies, Dan! —Pillow Fight


A:

 You're right, PF, I dropped the ball in that response.

BUMMED wrote that he goes "to great lengths to hide" his need for prostate stimulation, adding that he will "push [a girl's] head in a pillow" when he fingers himself. And he was worried that the last girl he slept with must have seen him fingering himself — seen it and concluded he was gay — because she wasn't responding to his texts.

A little addendum for BUMMED: That girl might not be returning your texts because she didn't appreciate having her face smashed into a pillow. You can do what you like with your asshole, bro, without being an asshole.


Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Reach him at mail@savagelove.net, @fakedansavage on Twitter.

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