Published: July 27, 2011
You don't mention your own looks, CPAS, but I'm guessing there's a big looks gap in this relationship, i.e., your girlfriend is objectively hot, while you fall somewhere between "Ron Jeremy" and "unconventionally attractive" on the male beauty spectrum. And that's not an accident: She knows that you think you're unlikely to do better than her, looks-wise, and that allows her to be just as psycho as she wants to be. Because she knows you're not going anywhere.
Here's the advice you were afraid of, CPAS: Go somewhere, anywhere, that she isn't. You wouldn't be putting up with this shit if this woman's outsides were as ugly as her insides.
What happened to your column? I remember back when your columns involved wonderful details about things like proper dildo protocol, indulging odd fetishes, and funny sex adventures. Now it's all about the philosophy of what loving relationships should truly entail. I miss the old Dan who would coach readers on how to put large things inside themselves and recount funny, titillating anecdotes. —Where's My Dirt?
Google happened to my column.
Back in the getting-large-things-inside-my-readers days, WMD, people would write me and ask, "How do I get this large thing inside of me?" Now people with large things can turn to Google for information about how to get their large things inside themselves. Another question I used to get all the time: "What's a cock ring?" Now cock rings have their own Wiki page.
There's just so much good, basic info about sex online — including basic how-to info — that people don't have to ask me for basic information about fetishes or kinks or dildo protocols anymore. So most of the questions I get nowadays, and most of the ones I answer, are about relationships. Don't blame me, WMD, blame Google's algorithms.
It has been a long time since I filled a column or two with titillating sex anecdotes. I'm on vacation right now, so ... wow me with your best, kinkiest, craziest vacation-sex stories, dear readers, and I'll fill next week's column with 'em.
Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Send letters to email@example.com.
> Email Dan Savage