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  • Lily Tomlin coming to Ann Arbor

    Detroit home-girl Lily Tomlin will perform at the Hill Auditorium in Ann Arbor on Saturday, June 14. A press release reads, “Get together with Lily Tomlin for an unforgettable night of fun and sidesplitting laughter. “Tomlin is amazing” The NY Times and “as always a revelation.” The New Yorker This unique comic artist takes her audience on what the Washington Post calls a “wise and howlingly funny” trip with more than a dozen of her timeless characters—from Ernestine to Mrs. Beasley to Edith Ann.” “With astounding skill and energy, Tomlin zaps through the channels like a human remote control. Using a fantastic range of voices, gestures and movements, she conjures up the cast of characters with all the apparent ease of a magician pulling a whole menagerie of animals from a single hat.” NY Daily News “Her gentle touch is as comforting as it is edifying.” NY Time Out She has “made the one-person show the daring, irreverent art form it is today.” Newsweek Her long list of awards includes: a Grammy; two Tonys; six Emmys; an Oscar nomination; two Peabodys; and the prestigious Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Find more info here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post Lily Tomlin coming to Ann Arbor appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Welcome Valerie Vande Panne, the new Detroit Metro Times editor

    The Detroit Metro Times, Detroit’s award-winning alternative weekly media company, is proud to announce the recent hire of Valerie Vande Panne as Editor-in-Chief. An award-winning independent journalist and Michigan native, Vande Panne’s work has appeared in Crain’s Detroit Business, The Daily Beast, and Salon, among other publications. Previously, Vande Panne attended Harvard University and was a regular contributor to The Boston Phoenix, and a news editor of High Times magazine. She has spent years covering drug policy among other subjects, including the environment, culture, lifestyle, extreme sports, and academia. “Valerie understands our business and what we expect to accomplish in Detroit. She has an excellent sense for stories that will move our readers, as well as experience with balancing print and digital content. I’m excited to have her at the paper and trust her leadership as we move forward,” said Detroit Metro Times publisher Chris Keating.

    The post Welcome Valerie Vande Panne, the new Detroit Metro Times editor appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Joumana Kayrouz to cover ‘Metro Times’

    She welcomes you when you enter Detroit, from every direction, with the one word that might just be Detroit’s biggest philosophical question: Injured? Joumana Kayrouz is deeper than the inflated image watching over Detroit, peddling justice to the poor and broken of the city. This Wednesday, Drew Philp takes us behind the billboard and into the heart of the Kayrouz quest. (And all of Brian Rozman’s photos of Kayrouz have not been retouched.) Check out MT‘s cover story, on newsstands Wednesday!

    The post Joumana Kayrouz to cover ‘Metro Times’ appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Fire at PJ’s Lager House, no people hurt

    There was a fire in an upstairs apartment at PJ’s Lager House on Monday evening. No people were hurt, although three cats belonging to the tenants died after CPR. The fire broke out around 10:30 p.m. during a show featuring Zombie Jesus & the Chocolate Sunshine Band, Curtin, and Jeffrey Jablonsky. “We just smelled smoke and someone yelled everyone has to get out,” 33-year-old Nick Leu told MLive. On the Lager House Facebook page in the early hours of the morning, a post said, “We at PJ’s lager House would like to thank everyone for their care and concern. Also, a very big THANK YOU to all who stepped up to do what they could this evening. The fire was contained to the upstairs but due to water damage in the bar, we will be closed until it can be assessed. Everyone is safe and we will keep you updated.” A later update read, “Update from the big boss. Since there was no damage to the stage side of the bar, the show will go on tomorrow! You may have to enter through the back door and there may not be a large selection of booze but we are going […]

    The post Fire at PJ’s Lager House, no people hurt appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: Music review roundup

    Send CDs, vinyl, cassettes, demos and 8-tracks to Brett Callwood, Metro Times, 1200 Woodward Heights, Ferndale MI 48220. Email MP3s and streaming links to bcallwood@metrotimes.com. The Sugar Clouds’ Partners Don’t Do That (They Watch and be Amazed) (Wax Splat) is a nostalgic look at the psychedelic days of ’60s grooviness. Even the album cover looks like a lava lamp. The male-female vocals have a sort of Jefferson Airplane feel, and the songs are blessed with both sugary sweet pop melodies and a garage-y earthiness. The story of the band’s formation is rather interesting; the two vocalists, Greg and Melissa Host, are a divorced couple who wrote the songs in their living room. The band is still together, so this divorce was a hell of a lot more civil than any we’ve ever known of. Steffanie Christi’an has friends in fairly high places. Her new Way Too Much mini-album is being put out by Nadir Omowale’s Distorted Soul label, and she is also a regular feature on Jessica Care Moore’s Black Women Rock revue. Maybe the choice of cover image isn’t the best – she looks a bit like a Tina Turner tribute act here. But that can and should be […]

    The post City Slang: Music review roundup appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Detroit councilman: Increased parking fines an ‘anti-growth strategy’

      There’s at least one city councilmember who’s less than pleased with Detroit Emergency Manager Kevyn Orr’s plan to increase all parking violation fines. Councilman Gabe Leland, whose district represents the city’s west side, issued a statement today, calling Orr’s plan a potential “deterrent” to attracting people to the city. I don’t believe the argument to raise the parking ticket fines from $30 to $45 and eliminate the $10 early payment fine are justification for this action. The emergency manager’s order to increase ticket fines places city government inefficiencies on the backs of our residents who need to do business in downtown and other parts of our city. And, this will increase the barrier for people to frequent Detroit-based establishments; likely to be a deterrent for some to shop and dine in our city. Leland suggested implementing a plan that maintains current rates for fines and reduces operating inefficiencies to collecting parking fines. “In my view, generating revenue by increasing fines when residents from neighborhoods must go downtown to get licenses and permits, attend court appointments and do other necessary business, is the wrong direction,” Leland said. “…Additionally, generating revenue using fines when we are trying to grow this city and attract […]

    The post Detroit councilman: Increased parking fines an ‘anti-growth strategy’ appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

Hot or not?

I'm not attractive, but I want to hold out for a hottie

Q:

 I broke up with a girl who wasn't hot enough for me. I tried my whole life to not be that kind of guy. I treated her carelessly because she wasn't that important to me. I was self-indulgent and rude and disrespectful, and it made her cry. She's perfectly attractive, but not in an obvious way, which is what I want. I don't want to abandon her, because she is a pillar of support that I truly need. She's the first girl I ever fucked, and I'm the first guy she ever dated. She is 28 and I am 24. Is it a bad idea to maintain a relationship with her while I pursue other women? Would it be better to end all contact? What is a man who is pathologically worried about being an asshole to do? —Must Remain Anonymous

 

A:

 So ... you were a virgin at age 23 when you met this woman.

Hmm.

I'm guessing you're not all that conventionally attractive yourself, MRA. You're attractive, of course, just not in a conventional sense. You're attractive in the same way that, say, your ex-girlfriend is attractive. Perfectly attractive. Just not obviously attractive.

Not hot.

But you feel entitled to a woman who is attractive in obvious ways. You want a woman who's objectively hot. And you may get one. There are lots of obviously hot women out there with guys who aren't anywhere near as hot. Helps if the dude's a billionaire. But a word of warning: If you had to wait until age 23 for a woman to come along who was willing to fuck you and put up with your shit, MRA, the wait for a hot woman who's willing to fuck you and put up with your shit could be a long one. But you can live in hope.

What you can't live in, MRA, is an alternate reality where you haven't been an asshole. You emotionally abused this woman for failing to be something she wasn't when you met her (and something that you're not either): conventionally, objectively and obviously attractive. You weren't obligated to stay with her forever just because she was kind enough to fuck you and put up with your shit for a while, of course, and you're free to follow your dreams and pursue hot women. But you were obligated to treat this woman with kindness and consideration. Instead, you went out of your way to act like an asshole.

Under the circumstances, MRA, I think it's best to end all contact. It's nice that you're willing to keep her in your life in order to get the support you need, all the while providing her with jack shit in return — no, wait. That's just more assholery. Cut her from your life. It's the only decent thing to do.

It may be the only decent thing you've ever done for her.

 

Q:

 I'm an 18-year-old girl in my freshman year at university. I moved into an apartment with three roommates: awesome party girl who I really get along with, my long-term boyfriend, and a new guy who is a year older than me.

Here's the problem: I don't have an out-of-this-world libido. My boyfriend doesn't mind and seems content. But I want to fuck the new guy's brains out all the time. I don't understand! I love my boyfriend and I find him attractive, and this other guy is not my type in any way. I am not going to cheat on my boyfriend, but I don't know what to do! —Feelings Are Not Technically Alright Sometimes, Y'know?

 

A:

 First potential explanation: Like most 18-year-olds, you don't know your hole from an ass in the ground. Part of dating, at your age, is discovering what works for you, who works for you, and what you want. Sometimes what you think you want isn't what you actually want. So it's possible that your long-term boyfriend is a nice guy, a good guy and an attractive guy. But he's not the kind of nice, good, attractive guy who turns you on. So your libido may be just fine, FANTASY, it's just that you have yet to date a guy who cranks your libido into gear. In other words: This guy might indeed be your type. You just don't know it yet.

Second potential explanation: Women tend to be attracted to one type of guy when they're not ovulating (nicer guys: good parents and helpful partners) and a different type of guy when they are ovulating (rougher guys: lousy parents and worse partners). Lots of women in long-term, stable relationships with nice guys enjoy manly-man-eye-candy when they're ovulating and then fuck their nice guy's brains out. But you're going to complicate your life considerably if you live with both types, i.e., the nice guy you want to marry and the masculine-type guy whose brains you want to fuck out when you're shitting eggs.

What to do? Well, if it's explanation No. 1, dump your boyfriend and date your roommate. If it's explanation No. 2, ogle your roommate and fuck your boyfriend.

Q:

 A gay couple, friends of mine, just announced their wedding this coming summer in Vancouver. They've broken up and reunited countless times over the last 10 years; they fight and cheat on each other. Separately they're wonderful people, but together they're a fucking nightmare. I suspect this will be one of those marriages that will collapse quickly. So it occurs to me: How much social pressure will there be for gay married folks not to get divorced? After all, the homophobes will soon use gay divorce rates as an argument against gay marriage, right? —The Straight Best Man

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