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Savage Love

Hook up tenderly

Even if it's just sex, play nice

By Dan Savage

Published: April 25, 2012

And let's remember why you weren't squirting with the boyfriend: You were worried that he might react negatively or think it was gross. Not squirting was something you were doing for him. Now that you know he's into it, you want to squirt for him.

Stop thinking about him, WSID, and start thinking about yourself.

You trained your body not to come when you were with your boyfriend, and it's going to take some time to undo that training. But if you can squirt when you masturbate alone, WSID, you can squirt with your boyfriend. And here's how you can get there: Masturbate with your boyfriend in the house but not in your room. Then do it with him in the room but not in the bed with you — and, hey, put a blindfold on him if you're self-conscious about him watching you. Then masturbate with him in the bed with you blindfolded. Then masturbate with him in the bed with you not blindfolded. Then masturbate with him in the bed and not blindfolded and touching you, then with him in the bed holding you, then with him in the bed helping you.

Relax, enjoy, have fun, and you'll get there, WSID, I promise.

 

Q:

 The advice you gave to TUSH — the gay teenager worried because he and his boyfriend weren't any good at gay sex — isn't exclusive to the gay young'uns. Most of us don't start with the discipline of practice and communication often required for mutually successful sex. My first attempts, as a virgin male with a virgin female, were hilariously awkward. Nothing worked, nothing fit. Fifteen years later, with a combined 30 years of experience, we hooked up again for one of our best-ever sexual encounters. Please let the gay kids know they're not at all alone in this crazy game of sex. Like anything worthwhile, it takes time and effort and practice to get good at it. —Only Learning Doth Make A Notch

 

A:

 Thanks for sharing, OLDMAN.

Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Send mail to mail@savagelove.net.

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