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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” Also, “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” Because you can have the runs, you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage Love

Hook up tenderly

Even if it's just sex, play nice

Q:

 Is it possible for a hookup to turn into a relationship? —Hoping One Person Enters

 

A:

 A hookup is a relationship, HOPE. It may be a short-term relationship, but it's a relationship regardless.

And, yes, a short-term hookup can turn into a long-term relationship, HOPE, but not if you're treating your hookups like shit (because they're only hookups!) and not if you're willing to let the people you hook up with treat you like shit (because you're only a hookup!). Treat your hookups like people you might actually see again — like human beings with human feelings, not just human holes or poles — and you might actually see them again.

You might even wind up in a long-term relationship.

Now, sometimes people hook up with strangers precisely because they wanna have sex with someone they don't know and don't expect to see again. And that's not always a bad idea: Having sex with someone who you don't expect to see again can be very liberating. A girl who can't let herself go with a guy she's dating — maybe she fears being slut- or nympho-shamed by a boyfriend — will grind the dick off a hookup. And it can be easier to ask someone you don't expect to see again to do something kinky. Say a straight boy has always wanted a girl to put him in her panties and peg his ass. He could ask a girlfriend to do that for him, sure, but the stakes are higher. What if she freaks out and dumps him, and blabs to her friends — and his — about why she dumped him?

People who divide the fuckable world into those they care about (and can't open up to sexually) and those they don't care about (and can open up to sexually but won't date) wind up having awesome sex with people they don't know and lousy sex with people they marry. That's not a good strategy for anyone interested in a successful — and sexually fulfilling — long-term relationship.

So here's what you should do, HOPE: Be uninhibited with your hookups while treating them like people you might actually see again and insist on being treated that way in return. Don't hook up with people who treat you like shit; don't treat the people you hook up with like shit. Even if you know you're not going to see someone again — maybe they're not someone you would date or circumstances are such that you couldn't date them even if you wanted to (business trip, European vacation, spring break, etc.) — treat your hookups with kindness, respect and gratitude.

Finally, HOPE, some people treat hookups like shit — only after they've come, natch — because they want their hookups to understand that they're not interested in a relationship. That's not just assholery, assholes, it's completely unnecessary assholery. If someone was kind enough to suck your dick or fuck your brains out — if someone hooked up with your ass — a little kindness and consideration isn't too much to ask. If you're worried that your hookup might misinterpret "kindness and consideration" for "I want to be with you forever," tell them — gently and directly — that you're not interested in a relationship.

 

Q:

 Straight guy here. For the first time in my life, I am with someone who understands how much my work is a part of who I am. (I travel for research and come home and agonize over writing it up.) We have a caring and affectionate relationship. She told me at the start that she has never had an orgasm and she didn't believe in masturbation. I knew then that the sex would be vanilla, but I didn't realize that a year later, it would be more vanilla and less frequent. I'm going out of my mind. In the early months, we discussed open relationships. Her view was that she wasn't interested, but if I cheated it would be fine as long as she never found out. At the time, it sounded like a trap; now it sounds like an option. Help. —Sex Too Underwhelming Can't Kontinue

 

A:

 Since an honest open relationship is off the table, STUCK, I'm gonna urge you to DTMFA. (I'm not saying your girlfriend is an MF — heavens no — but DTMFA is the term of art around here.) I'm thinking you'll have an easier time getting a girl who likes sex to understand how important your work is to you than you'll have getting this girl to understand how important sex is to you. You and your current girlfriend simply aren't sexually compatible, STUCK, and sexual compatibility matters when you're picking a sex partner. Duh.

DTMFA.

 

Q:

 I am a girl and I am stuck. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months, and I only recently told him I can squirt. When we would have sex before, I would tell him to stop before I came because I didn't want to squirt. Now that he knows, he thinks it's really hot that I can and wants me to do it. But I can't seem to get to that point anymore. I have a vibrator, and when I masturbate, I can squirt no problem. But even with me, or him, stimulating my clit while having sex, I just can't do it and I don't know why. —What Should I Do?

 

A:

 You should relax.

I'm not saying that you'll squirt the next time you fuck your boyfriend if you can just relax, WSID, but you'll get there sooner if you relax about whether or not you're squirting.

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