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Savage Love

Honesty first

When going outside monogamy, you should always tell the truth

By Dan Savage

Published: August 31, 2011


A:

 Fuck full disclosure, WANK. Your wife can't deal with you masturbating about others and she hits you? DTMFA.


Q:

 I'm a 50-year-old married man with adult children. My wife and I live under the same roof but sleep in separate bedrooms. We have become roommates. Perhaps we will stay together, or perhaps we'll divorce once the housing market improves and we have a slightly bigger pie to cut in half. But we hardly talk and never have sex. Where does a man in my situation find women to have sex with and spend time with? I don't mean an escort or a hooker. It's not all about the sex act for me. I tried some websites like AshleyMadison.com and SugarDaddy.com with no luck. Do you think there are women out there who are single or divorced and would enjoy being treated like a queen by a healthy, respectful, decent-looking man who is technically married? —Please Help Me


A:

 I know there are women out there who would be up for what you have to offer, PHM, because I get letters from them all the time. Some of these women are in the same boat you are — married in name only and looking for some companionship and intimacy. If you didn't find one during your first Internet search, my advice is to keep looking.

And Mr. and Mrs. LAH? PHM's situation is a good example of a circumstance under which cheating is not only permissible, it's not even cheating. He may be married, technically and legally, but the sexual dimension of his marriage is over. He is in no way betraying his wife, or putting her at risk of acquiring a sexually transmitted infection, when he seeks outside sexual relationships.

Can you see the difference between what you're doing, Mr. LAH, and what PHM is doing?

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