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Savage Love

Family matters

When sex comes a little too close to home

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By Dan Savage

Published: December 19, 2012


A:

 There are people who manage to turn their lives upside down in pursuit of their turn-ons — there are people whose sex lives are complete fucking shitshows — and all they're into is heterosexual sex in the missionary position in their own bedrooms with the lights off. Your brother's problem isn't his childhood or his kink. His problems, plural, are his self-loathing, his attempts to swear off his kink (which leads to these binge-and-purge cycles), and the reckless ways he indulges his kink when he's bingeing.

Instead of running from his kinks — which he can't do — your brother needs to find safer, saner ways to satisfy his desire for erotic humiliation and submitting to someone else's control. People with humiliation kinks managed to find ways to get off before the Internet came along, BOKB, and so can your brother.

And you need to establish better boundaries, BOKB. No more swapping pics with your kinky bro, bro, and no more hunting for evidence of your bro's ill-advised online adventures.


Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Reach him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter.

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