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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Savage

Love Lotion

Sexual initiation, suicide threats, BBW porn, and hate crimes

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Q:

 My girlfriend always responds positively when I initiate sex with her, but she hardly ever initiates sex with me. I’m a no-beat-around-the-bush kind of guy, but I realize this can be a sensitive topic and I don’t want to scare her by saying, “Please initiate sex more often!”

So I do small things to coax her and let her know that I want her to initiate. I will lotion up in front of her after we shower. Or I’ll say something like “I wanted to fuck last night — maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” But it hasn’t worked. The only time she’ll initiate is if I haven’t initiated for a while and she’s sexually frustrated. But that can take days! — Girlfriend Rarely Initiates Naked Dance

A:

 Wow, GRIND, your girlfriend is pretty fucking dense. I’m surprised she remembers to breathe in her sleep.

I mean, she actually heard you say, “I wanted to fuck last night — maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” — and somehow didn’t realize that what you meant was “Please initiate sex more often.”

And she’s seen you smearing lotion on yourself after showering and somehow didn’t realize that you wanted her to start initiating sex once in a while. Amazing. A boyfriend smearing lotion on himself — who doesn’t know what that means?

Sorry, GRIND: You’re the dense one in this relationship.

“I wanted to fuck last night — maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” does not auto-translate to “Please initiate sex more often.” The likely takeaway from that statement is “I wanted to fuck last night, but the granny panties, pajama bottoms or hazmat Spanx you were wearing were such a turnoff that I couldn’t get it up. You suck at this girlfriend shit.”

And while seeing your boyfriend “lotion up” after a shower may inspire lust, it doesn’t communicate a very specific need like “Please initiate sex more often.” The only thing it communicates for sure is “My boyfriend isn’t going to put up with dry skin.”

You want your girlfriend to initiate sex more often? Tell her you want her to initiate sex more often. Trust me, GRIND, that straightforward request will display more sensitivity to your girlfriend’s feelings — and will be less crazy-making — than a potentially confidence-shredding statement like “Hey, I wanted to fuck you last night but you were wearing the wrong panties,” or the conspicuous application of skin moisturizer.

Q:

 I’m a 21-year-old female college student going to school on the East Coast. Two days ago, I broke up with my manipulative, controlling, insecure, long-distance boyfriend of one year. I truly care for this man, but I need to live my life the way I want to, and that wasn’t possible in this relationship. The problem is, he’s been leaving voicemails, texting, and emailing me, threatening suicide. I’ve told his mother about this, but I don’t think she’s taking it seriously.

I feel horrible, but I don’t want to talk to him because I refuse to get sucked back into his problems. How can I deal with this serious threat without getting personally involved?! — Single And Worried

A:

 Your ex-boyfriend’s mom presumably knows her son better than you do, SAW, and she isn’t taking his threats seriously. So it’s possible that he has a long history of manipulating people with idle suicide threats, essentially taking himself hostage to get what he wants. But if you’re worried — maybe his mother is neglectful (or nuts) — you might want to listen to Episode 364 of the Savage Lovecast (you can find that episode, and 363 others, at savagelovecast.com).

I took a question from a man whose girlfriend threatened suicide when he tried to dump her. Jill Harkavy-Friedman of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention had some excellent advice for him. Summing it up: Alert his friends and relatives, and pass the AFSP’s hotline number (1-800-273-TALK) on to them and on to the person making the threat. I would add: Don’t respond to his texts or voice mails, consider blocking his number and forward any truly worrying emails to his mother.

Q:

 My girlfriend snooped on my browser history the other day specifically to see what porn I had been looking at. I’ve told her I look at porn a few times a week and she said she didn’t mind. She asked me what type of stuff I usually look at and I was mostly honest.

My viewing habits are pretty vanilla — except for BBW porn. It’s not my go-to, but it was what she found in my browser history the day she snooped. She had some issues and I don’t know how to address them. I’m not more attracted to overweight women than other women, but sometimes that type just does it for me. Compounding this, my girlfriend is overweight — not on par with the women in the videos I watched — and now she’s worried that her weight is the only reason I’m attracted to her. It’s not! How can I explain this to her and put her mind at ease?! — Busted Boyfriend Worries

A:

 If you looked only at porn that featured conventionally attractive women — all those skinny bitches — your girlfriend would be worried that you’re not attracted to her because of her size. But she caught you looking at BBW porn and now she’s worried that her size is the only reason you’re attracted to her. I don’t think you can win this one, BBW, but you can try saying this to her: “I like women of all shapes and sizes, honey, including yours — as you can clearly see if you look at all the porn sites I’ve visited, instead of just obsessing about that particular one.”

I don’t think it’ll do much good, because your girlfriend probably doesn’t want you looking at porn at all — saying it’s OK, snooping, and grilling aren’t signs of “OK with porn.” So use private browsing, clear your browser history or watch porn on a secure computer in a secret, undisclosed location.

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We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
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