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    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Culture Feature

Beer Before Liquor?

Five truths about alcohol, its effects, and staying safe at the kegger.

Photo: N/A, License: N/A


Let’s be honest: Most college students drink alcohol. Don’t worry — no judgments — we get it. Without mom and dad breathing down your neck for the first time since, well … ever, you’re going to want to let loose.

Unfortunately, like anything you do for the first time, you’re going to suck at it. Virgin drinkers out for a night of heavy boozing can anticipate — at best — some embarrassment and discomfort; at worst some serious injury.

Therefore, we’re providing some good guidelines to keep your night safe and a dreadful hangover at bay. If you’re gonna drink, you might as well be smart about it.

Water — and Lots of It

The thing to understand about hangovers is they’re basically just terrible cases of dehydration. Alcohol has a nasty habit of forcing your body to expel more of its fluids than usual — in a shorter period of time. This is what leads to a fun morning of nausea topped off by a headache and serious light sensitivity.

The fix is somewhat of a no brainer: Drink water — lots of water — both before and after a night of drinking. A good rule of thumb to follow: Drink an amount of water equal to that of the alcohol you’ve consumed.

Don’t Drink on

An Empty Stomach

How quickly you become intoxicated depends on how quickly alcohol can make it into your bloodstream. For example, a Cuba Libre will get you drunk faster than a Bloody Mary, because the carbonation in the soda speeds up the absorption of the alcohol. However, no matter what you’re drinking, eating beforehand will slow this absorption rate. Starchy, carb-laden food works best since it can absorb some of the alcohol before your bloodstream will.

Gender is Important

Now, I’m as feminist as they come, but when it comes to alcohol, men and women are not created equal. Physiologically, the sexes metabolize alcohol in different ways. Women generally have a lower concentration of water in their bodies, meaning that if a guy and a gal consume the exact same number of drinks in the same period of time, her blood alcohol levels will be significantly greater than his.

Women also have less of an enzyme called dehydrogenase, which breaks down alcohol in the stomach. Some studies indicate that, drink for drink, women will absorb about 30 percent more booze into their bloodstream. So, ladies, don’t go challenging the dudes to any drinking competitions. They will drink your ass under the table — every time.

Size Matters

Aside from gender, body type is something to consider too. Smaller people generally have a smaller circulatory system, meaning less blood. This means blood alcohol levels will spike higher and faster than someone bulkier. So, for example, a lithe dancer will never be able to drink as much as that rubenesque bitch at the end of the hall, and so on. There is a reason, after all, that people who can’t handle much alcohol are referred to as “lightweights.”

Medical Amnesty

So, despite reading this awesome article and following all this advice, you still end up in a situation where you or a friend find yourself seriously smashed — to the point where alcohol poisoning is a concern. Many times, students risk harm or, in some cases, even death because they or their friends are too scared to seek medical attention.

What many students don’t realize is that academic institutions care much more about a student’s health than prosecuting them. Many schools across the country have instituted the policy of “medical amnesty,” which states that students are exempt from legal action against them so long as they do seek help for a drinking — or drug-related medical emergency. So, please, don’t be a dick — look out for yourself and your friends and don’t try and “sleep it off.” Unless, that is, you like the idea of choking on your own puke while you sleep, and dying. Yum.

Victoria Medina  is a freelance writer and contributor to our sister pub, the San Antonio Current. Send comments to letters@metrotimes.com.

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Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
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