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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Culture

2013 Metro Times Lust Poll

The annual Lust Quiz exposes a bit of what goes on behind closed doors — and in public!

Photo: Robert Nixon, License: N/A

Robert Nixon


 

Roof of a four-story building in Queens, N.Y.—kodos1, 46, straight, 65 partners

 

While driving on I-94.—The Mad Hatter, 37, straight, 41,567 partners

 

A covered merry-go-round at Put-in-Bay. (Yes, there were people outside … lol.)—L, 37, straight, unknown number of partners

 

On stage at an outdoor festival.—Savio Vega, straight, between 3 and 30 partners

 

In a church, a monastery, alleys, a movie theater.—Charlotte Baltimore, 28, bi, 18 partners

 

Twice in the car behind the movie theater in Farmington. Once was with my wife even.—RichRod, 39, straight, 20 partners, not counting blow jobs

 

Playground jungle gym. Yes, there were children playing on the swingset less than 100 yards away.—CAC, 25, straight, 30+ partners

 

Back row of a Greyhound bus from Reno to L.A.—the bear from jellystone, 46, straight, number of partners in the triple digits

 

My bedroom. I’m homeless.—Jesse, 22, straight, 1 if you count myself partners

 

============================

 

What’s your most embarrassing sexual experience?

 

When it comes to sex, even Dan Savage told us once, “Everybody feels a little bit ridiculous in pursuit of sex, feels a little ridiculous in the moment, and feels a little ridiculous right after. … Sex kind of brings us all low, makes fools of us all and we need to laugh about it.” Well, our readers shared the moments when sex brought them low. Among the most common experiences for the men were “performance issues,” including “erectile dysfunction,” “premature ejaculation” and the like. Among the ladies, the “surprise period” turned more than a few faces red. And, for both genders, having the light come on and finding Mom standing there deflated more than a couple egos. But between all the passion farts and gag reflex hurlfests, a few of the stories acknowledged that, with the passage of time, these little tragedies become what they are for the rest of us: funny as hell.

 

Getting caught having sex by a vending machine in a school!—Clooney, 27, straight, 8 partners

 

I was so drunk and tired that I was unable to “get it up” to have sex with probably the hottest beautiful woman I’ve ever been able to have sex with. I had another chance later, and the sex was amazing.—JOTS, 32, straight, 14 partners

 

Too drunk to remember. One of the girls in the story told me later. It was a threesome, two girls and me, a dream come true after we worked on it for a couple of months to get the other girl to particpate. I passed out as they both took their tops off.—fun times, 35, straight, 110 partners

 

Having a girl on top, grinding me, naked, before we had sex. I came in my boxers. I was 28. It was our first (and last) sexual experience.—Joe Malone, 30, straight, 21 partners

 

Getting walked in on by someone else’s kids.—Chaz Leonard, 48, straight, 20ish partners

 

The children came home early and circled the entire house, knocking on all the windows and doors until we stopped intercourse and let them in — we were blushing and shame-faced. —Squirtz, 54, straight, 15 partners

 

The next morning, his wife showed up with their baby on her hip saying that he left his watch on my bathroom counter. The really bad thing was she told this to my mother, who answered the door.—Synful, 44, straight, lost count of partners

 

Me and my sister-in-law doing it. My wife came home and I ran out the back naked to get dressed.—Tjazz9, 50, straight, 23 partners

 

It wasn’t so much during the experience, but after. My then-boyfriend’s mother made a comment to me about how my boyfriend’s neighbors had requested that I not be so loud during sex while their niece and nephew were in town that weekend.—Jane Moxley, 25, bi, 11 partners

 

Being walked in on by my brother while doing my girlfriend on the family room floor.—Texas, 42, straight, 6 partners

 

Licking a girl’s ass and having her freak out.—Buttfun, 36, straight, 12 partners

 

When he accidentally put it in the wrong hole; the very first time that ever happened. C’mon, guys. Ugh.—waxwing, 28, straight, 11 partners

 

Losing the condom.—JoJo16, 36, straight, 15 partners

 

My jaw got stuck open.—Tinker, 45, straight, 40 partners

 

Lost my virginity with another virgin. “Um, are we done?” was actually said.—das bitch, 34, bi, 12 partners

 

Thinking I looked hot with smeared makeup, then looking in the mirror to find I looked like Ronald McDonald.—A.Non, 50, straight, 12 partners

 

Trying to get dressed at the conclusion of some “activities,” I gathered the clothes that had been tossed about the room. Handed my lady friend what I thought were her shirt and bra. The shirt was hers, the bra, unfortunately, was not hers. Whoops.—Harvey birdman, Attorney at Law, 28, straight, 33 partners

 

I had a problem getting hard in front of two very capable and hardworking hookers.—Alnightlonngg, straight, 27 partners

 

When a girl ran to the bathroom to spit me out in the sink.—Martin Rodger, 45, straight, 13 partners

 

He left the room halfway through to puke.—andrea!, 24, straight, 6 partners

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