Savage Love
Crushes never stop
Just because you're crushing doesn't mean your relationship is troubled
Published: January 19, 2011
All that said, UOF, while your crush doesn't have to mean something, it still could. The indifference you display toward your boyfriend's feelings, which Grant rightly highlights, could mean that your crush is the person you really want to be with. Sometimes, people meet the people they wind up with under awkward, embarrassing and painful circumstances. This could be one of those times.
Q: Help! I'm a 21-year-old female with a 20-year-old boyfriend. We've been together about a year. Eight months ago, he was in a horrible accident, which left him without his left hand. We didn't have sex until after he was hurt. The sex is great, but he will only do it doggie-style, which is fine, and he doesn't do foreplay! Nothing! But he expects blow jobs and hand jobs every time we have sex! Is our relationship screwed? Every time I bring this up, he tells me he doesn't know what I want him to do. Hello! It's not that hard! —Please Help Me
A: I'm not sure what his missing left hand has to do with ... anything ... but, um, here goes: Take your one-handed boyfriend at his word, PHM. Chalk up the complete lack of foreplay — lacking for you (it sounds like he's getting plenty) — to his youth and inexperience, and provide the direction he needs. He says he doesn't know what to do. So tell him: a hand here, a tongue there, this squeezed, that rubbed. If he can't do as he's told, tell him no more doggie-style, no more blow jobs, no more hand jobs, and no more girlfriend.
> Email Dan Savage
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