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  • The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues

    Ypsilanti police are still searching for the person dubbed the “mystery pooper.” Someone has been, as the Associated Press politely puts it today, “soiling slides at an Ypislanti playground over the last six months.” So, of course, someone purchased an electronic billboard along I-94 near Huron St. at exit 183 that delivers multiple calls for action: For instance,”Help us flush the pooper.” The company that purchased the billboard, Adams Outdoor Advertising, knows how to reach the world in the 21st Century, branding each billboard with a hashtag for the public utilize in its efforts: #ypsipooper. WJBK-TV says the billboard also toggles through other rich lines, such as: “Do your civic doody, report the pooper #YPSIPOOPER” “Help us catch the poopetrator #YPSIPOOPER.” You can have the runs, but you can’t hide. They’re still looking for you, Mystery Pooper.

    The post The Ypsilanti mystery pooper saga continues appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co.

    It’s a really, very cool idea. Paxahau, the good people behind the Movement Electronic Music Festival, are hosting a series of warm-up events, or previews, to the big festival which takes place Memorial Day weekend. On Thursday evening, Movement moved into the Urban Coffee Bean on Grand River in Detroit. While Dj AvA and Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp ably worked the decks, the regular coffee shop goings on continued behind them. It made for an interesting and amusing webcast experience – one guy was taking a nap on camera, while others supped coffee and tappd their feet. It should come as no surprise – the Urban Coffee Co. people have always been big supporters of electronic music. The place includes a DJ stand, and co-owner Josh Greenwood encourages customers to bring their own vinyl and spin on the open turntables. Not on Thursday night though. This being a coffee shop, and it not being particularly late at night, the music remained pretty chill throughout. DJ AvA (real name Heather McGuigan) includes Beth Orton, Madonna, the B-52’s, Daftpunk and David Byrne among her list of influences, so you know that she’s capable of both whipping up a storm and also […]

    The post City Slang: DJ AvA, Chuck Flask & Keith Kemp preview Movement at Urban Bean Co. appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County

    CNN has a message to all prospective landlords: Head to Wayne County! Occupancy and rental rates are increasing, the report says, creating an opportunity for serious returns on investments. In fact, after comparing the median sales price of homes to average monthly rents in nearly 1,600 counties, RealtyTrac found that Detroit’s Wayne County offers landlords the best return on their investment in the nation. Investors who buy homes in the metro area can expect a 30% gross annual return from rents. That’s triple the national average of 10%. RealtyTrac, an online real estate information company, says the county offers investors low prices for larger homes — with a median price of $45,000. “We’ve got some steals here,” said Rachel Saltmarshall, a real estate agent and immediate past president of the Detroit Association of Realtors, told CNN. “There’s a six-bedroom, 6,000 square-foot home in a historic district selling for $65,000.” For more, read the entire report here.

    The post Here is why landlords could do well in Wayne County appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit

    This Saturday, audiophiles across the world will venture out to their favorite independent record stores in search of limited releases that quickly become collectors items. The third Saturday of April marks the fairly new international holiday Record Store Day. There are certainly dos and don’ts to know for RSD — like where to shop, and how to shop. That’s right, there is an etiquette to shopping on Record Store Day and violating that code makes you look like a real asshole. In my experience of celebrating Record Store Day, I’ve seen stores use a few different tactics as far as stocking the special releases. Some establishments will set up a table, somewhere in the store, where a few shoppers at a time can flip through records in a calm and contained manner. Other places will have a similar setup, with all the releases at a table, but shoppers ask the store employees for the releases they want. It’s like a record nerd stock exchange. This process gets loud, slightly confusing and incredibly annoying — this is where elbows start getting thrown. Then, there are places that put the releases on the shelves, usually categorized by size — twelve inches with the twelve inches, seven inches with the seven inches and […]

    The post The Record Store Day Guide for metro Detroit appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled

    The Detroit Electronic Music Festival, which was supposed to be making a triumphant return this year, has been canceled. A statement on the website says that the festival will be back in 2015. Back in November, Ford Field hosted an announcement party for DEMF, where it was revealed that a new DEMF festival would take place at Campus Martius Park in Detroit over the July 4th weekend. “I’m proud to be involved in the biggest and best electronic music festival in the world,” said Juan Atkins. “The future’s here. This is techno scene.” Not the immediate future, apparently. The DEMF people claim that the M-1 rail construction is partially to blame for the cancellation/12-month-postponement. Read the full statement here. Follow @City_Slang

    The post City Slang: DEMF 2014 canceled appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

  • Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards

    Despite a turbulent 2013 which saw Metro Times change owners, move buildings and change editors twice, we picked up eight awards at the Society of Professional Journalists Awards on Wednesday night. The big winner was Robert Nixon, design manager, who picked up a first place for “Feature Page Design (Class A)” for our Josh Malerman cover story, first for “Cover Design (Class A)” for our Halloween issue (alongside illustrator John Dunivant), and a second in that same category for our annual Lust issue. In the news categories, our esteemed former news editor and current contributing writer Curt Guyette won third in “General News Reporting” and third in “Best Consumer/Watchdog” – both Class A – for the Fairground Zero and Petcoke Series respectively. Music & Culture Editor Brett Callwood placed third for his Josh Malerman cover story in the “Best Personality Profile (Class A)” category, and former editor Bryan Gottlieb picked up a couple of Class C awards for “Editorial Writing” and “Headline Writing” (third and second, respectively). We were also pleased to learn that our investigative reporter Ryan Felton won first place and an honorable mention for work published while at the Oakland Press. The MT ship is steady now, […]

    The post Metro Times wins heavy at the SPJ Awards appeared first on Metro Times Blogs.

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Lame pick-up lines and extreme vaginal odor

Q: I came out as trans-something-slash-genderqueer three years ago. I was born male but live my life predominately as female. I'm 25 now. Coming out involved accepting that it would complicate my ever finding someone. I haven't dated since.

My problem: Today, a guy my age asked me out while making me a sandwich in a café. He told me I was very pretty and asked if he could take me out. I gave him my number. Before I left, he said, "I'd really like a relationship with you." That sounded like a weirdo red flag. I told him, "We'll see," but agreed to the date.

I don't know the rules and I'm a panicked mess. I know to meet in a public place, in the afternoon, tell people about it — all the safety stuff — but I am afraid that he's a creep. But no one has ever told me before that I'm pretty. While I'm not ugly, I'm not passable. My questions:

1) Was he way too creepy to go on that date?

2) Was agreeing to a date smart or dumb?

3) Am I acting out of desperation?

4) The great unanswerable: How do I get the giddy 13-year-old inside to grow up so the 25-year-old can navigate safely in the dating world? —Does Understand Men Basically

A: OK, here goes.

1) My inbox sags under the weight of e-mails from straight or straight-identified guys who are desperate to meet transwomen-slash-trans-somethings, and not all of them prefer passables. So it's possible that this guy saw trans-something, unpassable you and decided to go for it because you're everything he's ever wanted. If he's one of those guys who are into transwomen or born-male-trans-genderqueers-who-live-as-female-but-aren't-quite-passable, DUMB, it's also possible that he's never had a chance to meet someone like you before (you're not thick on the ground), and nerves or inexperience caused him to fumble the pass. The only way to determine if nerves made him come across as creepy or if he's genuinely creepy is to go on that date.

2) Smart. Even if it turns out that he's a creep, even if you never see him again, being open to people and taking risks — while at the same time taking all reasonable safety precautions (particularly important for transwomen, who face a much higher risk of violence at the hands of the sometimes deeply conflicted, self-loathing straight guys who are attracted to or resent transwomen) — is the only way that anyone ever manages to find love.

3) Yes, DUMB, you are acting out of desperation — you and everybody else. Just don't let your desperation — the worry that you won't ever meet anyone else who's interested in a girl like you — convince you to settle for a shitty or abusive relationship. If he comes across as nice at first but it turns out that he's an asshole or a creep, and if he begins to treat you like you're stuck with him because no one else will ever want you (not true — remember my inbox!), dump the motherfucker. It's better to be alone than to be with an asshole who preys on your insecurities to keep you coming back for more abuse.

4) I have no idea. I'm almost 10 years older than you and I'm still battling my inner giddy 13-year-old.


Q:
I'm a hetero male in my late 30s, and this incident took place over a decade ago, but I've felt guilty about it ever since. I was at a convention and ended up having a one-night stand with a lovely woman. When I moved to go down on her, something I enjoy doing, she had a really, really, really smelly area. This woman did not have bad body odor in general; she had good hygiene. I managed to shift gears and brought her off with touch, but she pleaded with me to go down on her and I didn't. That made things awkward. I didn't say anything about the smell to her, because I know that many women are self-conscious about vaginal odor.

My sex etiquette question for you: If you're with someone, and suddenly you discover that her private parts — or his — smell like something with a passed expiration date, what is the best way to handle it? Excuse yourself from bed and grab a washcloth for them? Grit your teeth and go down anyway, in an effort to be GGG, no matter how ill it might make you? —Vagina Odors Inform Cautious Etiquette

A: I realize that women can be sensitive about any suggestion of unpleasant vaginal odor — we can blame those "feminine hygiene" commercials as well as all those inexperienced boyfriends who react negatively to a vagina's natural, healthy odor because they didn't get the "spice" part of the "sugar and spice" memo. But as a general rule: The people you invite to stick their nose in your crotch, twat, sack, crack, etc., are allowed to form opinions about how you smell down there and share them with you. While it's unpleasant to be told your crotch stanks, it's much more unpleasant to find your nose tucked in someone's stanky crotch.

As this woman had good personal hygiene overall, VOICE, it's unlikely that a washcloth would've solved the problem. She may have had bacterial vaginosis, the most common cause of rank vaginal odor, or an untreated case of chlamydia or gonorrhea. As hard as "Something's not right down here" is to hear, particularly for some women, you didn't do her any favors by not speaking up — sensitively and compassionately — because if she did have a medical issue, she needed to seek treatment.


Q:
I am an attractive, "normal" 24-year-old female who enjoys taking pictures of myself nude for my own personal use. I delete most pictures, but I keep some on my laptop for my viewing only. My snoop boyfriend found some pictures that were taken before we got together and blew up. He got in my face and called me a slut. He threatened my safety when I told him to leave. He demanded to know who took the pictures (cameras have timers!) and to whom I was sending them (myself!). I broke up with him, but then took him back. We have since talked about my "fetish"; he still does not like it and wants all the pictures erased. To be honest, these pictures are not all that important to me, but the way he reacted is. To me, he showed he does not trust me and never will. —Still Love Ur Thoughts

A: The pictures may not be important to you, SLUT, but your autonomy, your safety and your right to take enjoyment in and from your own damn body should be. So you're going to have to DTMFAST — dump the motherfucker a second time.

A boyfriend who's uncomfortable with your fetish is one thing. A boyfriend who's a threatening, insecure, controlling, irrational asshole about your fetish is another thing entirely. Someone invested in your sexual fulfillment, someone who loves and supports you, would not tell you to stop, or make accusations, or react like such a fucking baby. And someone who didn't have sexist hang-ups wouldn't make a distinction between the pictures you took after you met and the ones you had taken before you met. Beware of boys who freak out after stumbling onto what they believe to be evidence — even if they're wrong — that their girlfriends have been with other guys before them. They have issues.

DTMFAST.

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