Published: October 13, 2010
So why can he be open about his cocksuckery with a complete stranger — that dude he sent the letter that you "discovered" — but not with you?
It's a tired cliché, I realize, and I shy away from it for that reason, but in this case the shoe fits: Your fiance has a bad case of the internalized homophobias. He finds it easier to be open with someone he doesn't care about and is unlikely to see ever again precisely because he doesn't care about that person and isn't going to see him again. If you or the other people in his life he's close to knew, he fears you would see him as damaged or inferior because that's how he sees himself.
So, yep, a bad case of the internalized homophobias. He's not entirely responsible for contracting this malady — our homophobic culture is the disease vector here — but, as an adult, he is responsible for working through it, for overcoming it, for being truthful with himself and the people he claims to love.
If he can't be honest with you — the snoop he claims to love — about his sexual orientation, and if being cheated on is deal-breaker for you (and he will cheat on you), don't marry him.
Q: I'm a loud fucker, just like the partner of the woman who wrote in recently. With my consent, my partner uses a pillow to dampen my screams, so I don't have to worry I'll piss off the neighbors. —Lesbians Do Scream
A: It's all fun and games — loud fun, ear-splitting games — until someone accidentally asphyxiates a screamer. But thanks for sharing, LDS.
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