Calendar

Most Read

Print Email

Savage Love

Christian denial

Hurt and huffy Christer gets a good hosing down

By Dan Savage

Published: October 13, 2010

So why can he be open about his cocksuckery with a complete stranger — that dude he sent the letter that you "discovered" — but not with you?

It's a tired cliché, I realize, and I shy away from it for that reason, but in this case the shoe fits: Your fiance has a bad case of the internalized homophobias. He finds it easier to be open with someone he doesn't care about and is unlikely to see ever again precisely because he doesn't care about that person and isn't going to see him again. If you or the other people in his life he's close to knew, he fears you would see him as damaged or inferior because that's how he sees himself.

So, yep, a bad case of the internalized homophobias. He's not entirely responsible for contracting this malady — our homophobic culture is the disease vector here — but, as an adult, he is responsible for working through it, for overcoming it, for being truthful with himself and the people he claims to love.

If he can't be honest with you — the snoop he claims to love — about his sexual orientation, and if being cheated on is deal-breaker for you (and he will cheat on you), don't marry him.


Q: I'm a loud fucker, just like the partner of the woman who wrote in recently. With my consent, my partner uses a pillow to dampen my screams, so I don't have to worry I'll piss off the neighbors. —Lesbians Do Scream

A: It's all fun and games — loud fun, ear-splitting games — until someone accidentally asphyxiates a screamer. But thanks for sharing, LDS.

Find the Savage Lovecast (Dan Savage's weekly podcast) at thestranger.com/savage.

Previous Page 1 2
We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus