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Savage Love

Built that way?

Who says poly isn't an orientation? Dan Savage gets an earful (and this week's column)

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By Dan Savage

Published: December 5, 2012

 

I'm a bisexual, polyamorous 24-year-old woman. From the very first time I was faced with a cute boy who wanted to date me, I knew that I couldn't be in a closed or exclusive relationship. I knew it as instinctively as I knew that I found women attractive as well as men. I had never heard of open relationships or polyamory. I was a virgin, so it wasn't about sex. I didn't have anyone else on the horizon and I really liked the boy, so it wasn't about keeping my options open. And yet I knew — I knew — that I couldn't agree to be his girlfriend without the freedom to date, flirt, sleep with, and love other people. Six years later, I started dating someone I think might turn out to be the love of my life. He's a match for me intellectually, sexually and emotionally. We make each other so happy, it's silly. Even so, even in the best relationship I can possibly imagine, I know monogamy is not for me. Incredibly, he feels the same way. Maybe there are very few people like me — I think most people fall somewhere in the middle, with probably more oriented toward monogamy than not — but poly people like me exist. —Poly Like Me

 

Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Send mail to mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter.

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