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Breaking it off

Is it wrong to dump via text after dating for two months?

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By Dan Savage

Published: June 13, 2012

 

A:

 Ask your girlfriend if she'd be OK with you getting head from your gay friend. If that's not a question you can bring yourself to ask your girlfriend, WSID, then don't even think about becoming FWB with your gay friend.

As for your sexuality ...

If there's nothing you love more than vagina — really? Not your mom? Not even oxygen? — then you're definitely not gay. You could be bisexual, I suppose, or heteroflexible. But I'm thinkin' what you are is 16 years old and horny as shit. If a talking skunk with a French accent walked into your room and offered you a blow job, WSID, you'd probably say yes. Letting that skunk blow you wouldn't be proof that you're a zoophile — or a Francophile — just proof that you're so horny you decided to shoot (into a skunk's mouth) first and ask questions ("I let a skunk blow me — WTF?") later.

A sex expert I quoted in a recent column — he was responding to a question from a straight guy who wanted other men to bust his balls — observed that a person can have a kink that overrides his "usual erotic 'target interest,' i.e., women." You're not kinky, WSID, just horny. But the combination of intense adolescent horniness and a rare blow job opportunity have overridden your usual erotic target interest, i.e., women.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do this. Gay-straight FWB arrangements can work. But you shouldn't do this if it means deceiving your girlfriend. If you want to take your friend up on his offer, WSID, clear it with your girlfriend first or wait until you're single. And if you're so tempted to do this that you're considering doing it behind your girlfriend's back, WSID, that's a pretty good indication that you'll be single soon.

 

Confidential to everyone: Make porn! Details on HUMP! — the annual porn festival that I host in Seattle and Portland — are here: humpseattle.com. Films are limited to five minutes in length, they don't wind up on the internet, and you don't have to live in the Pacific Northwest to submit to HUMP! And this year's grand prize is $5,000!

 

Find Dan Savage's weekly podcast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Send letters to mail@savagelove.net.

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