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Savage Love

A question for Callista

Dan wants to know: Why should her faith limit his sexual expression but not her own?

Photo: Gage Skidmore, License: N/A

Gage Skidmore


By Dan Savage

Published: January 25, 2012

Thank you for what you do. I found the courage to come out because of you. —Ready And Willing

 

A:

 If you found the courage to come out to family and friends about being gay — which you found inside yourself, RAW, but thanks for the nice compliment — you can come out to this boy about being a virgin.

Don't tell him during sex, RAW, and don't tell him in a way that makes this relevant information about your sexual history — you don't have one — seem like a character flaw, a cancer diagnosis or a request for an open marriage six years after you began an adulterous affair with a congressional staffer. You're just a 23-year-old virgin, RAW, there's nothing wrong with you; it's not like you're one of Elizabeth Santorum's idiotic gay friends or a cast member of The A-List: Dallas. The next time you see this boy, initiate a casual, low-stakes, getting-to-know-you make-out session at a time when you can't transition to full-on, no-holes-barred gay sex. Relax, kiss the boy, be chill. Then pause and inform him that you're not very sexually experienced — in fact, you've never been with anyone. Reassure him that you're not a duckling — you're not going to imprint on the first dick you see — but that you wanted him to know.

 

Q: How are you supposed to react to the discovery — entirely accidental — that your youngest brother has a "femdom" relationship with his wife? I stumbled over my brother's "anonymous" sex blog. It goes into detail about the "domestic discipline" she subjects him to: humiliation, spanking, "ruined orgasms" (whatever that is!), cuckolding. There are no names, but there are pictures. Their faces are blurred out, but I recognize their living room, their bedroom, the necklace my sister-in-law wears, my brother's chin and hair. If I recognized them, other family members might. What do I say? —Biggest Big Bro

 

A:

 Besides, "Hey, bro, I'm kinky, too!"? (You "stumbled over" your brother's kinky sex blog? How'd that happen? Did he leave it sitting in your driveway?) If you can't bring yourself to say that, BBB, you say nothing and trust that more-distant, less-kinky family members are unlikely to "stumble over" your brother's anonymous femdom blog anytime soon. And even if they do, they're probably not familiar enough with your brother and sister-in-law's home, jewelry, chins, etc., to recognize him.

 

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