Ain't seen nothin' yet

Well, everyone seemed positively giddy at our great leap forward last week, the one in which Congress finally voted to let openly gay servicemen and -women enlist, fight and die in America's colonial wars.

Some even saw it as a sign of progress that eight — count 'em, eight — Republican senators broke ranks and voted to, in the words of the president, "recognize that sacrifice, valor and integrity," are no more defined by sexual orientation than they are by skin color.

Naturally, John McCain shoved aside the lid of his crypt long enough to protest bitterly and moan that "there would be a great cost," which I took as a sign that he was worried about morale among our troops — who he believes are fighting the Spanish-American War.

"Colonel Teddy Roosevelt hates them poofsters," I suspect he was muttering under his breath. Of course, it's hard not to laugh out loud at the man who inflicted Sarah Palin on this nation when he talks about the cost of inflicting harm on society. I mean, it's like Typhoid Mary complaining about the dirty sink at the Laundromat.

Actually, repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell comes as a secret relief to the Republicans, the intelligent ones, anyway. People like L. Brooks Patterson have been warning them to back off gay-bashing, since nearly all young voters have openly gay friends. Nor is Dick Cheney the only right-winger with a lesbian daughter or gay son. This was a calculated decision, and will be followed by conservative support for gay marriage within a decade. (Not to say there isn't still hypocrisy; perhaps the most recognizably gay GOP senator voted against gays in the military. He comes from a deep red state, one where slavery itself may still be an issue.)

But forget all that.

Republicans are coming to power — and you're about to see who they really are. Two weeks from now, Speaker John Boehner, the man with the Tang-colored tan, takes control of the House, replacing much-maligned Nancy Pelosi.

Republicans won't control the Senate. But the Democrats are down to 53 seats, including political transvestite Joe Lieberman. That means they won't have the ghost of a chance of stopping any blocking effort by the Republicans.

What will their priorities be? We have clues. They see themselves as on a mission, first, to defeat President Obama in 2012. Make no mistake about it: If they thought saving the earth from a Martian invasion would somehow help the president win re-election, the GOP would be on the side of the Martians. Even when that isn't an issue, they aren't gonna be on your side, unless you are very rich and give them money.

Want proof? What was the main cause that they've been fighting for over the last few weeks: Allowing even those who make more than a million dollars to keep the tax cuts they were given by the Bush administration. Affects you, doesn't it? I thought so, Magglio. However, most of us don't make a million bucks a year. Only three out of every thousand Americans do. But that's who the Republicans in Congress care about. That's who owns them.

> Email Jack Lessenberry